Tag Archive | "Humor"

Want a Good Laugh?

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Human beings are an odd race.  Their clinical advancements have restored sight to the blind, replaced hearts in near-terminal cardiac patients, and cultured babies in test tubes.  Their lofty goals and scientific quests have taken them far beyond the moon, to view, map, and study distant galaxies through state-of-the-art instrumentation.  Their humanitarian souls have built houses for the homeless without compensation, and surged forth selflessly with critical resources for victims of disasters.  Despite these accomplishments, human beings have also proven themselves to be astoundingly stupid and attention-greedy.

Throughout history, however, people have always found a way to laugh at their own shortcomings.  Nothing has made this easier than technology.  For example, if you’re having a bad day or just want a good laugh, simply click buzzlol.com.  This site has cached photos of people caught engaged in strange behaviors – and proud of it!

Their page for Photoshop Fail displays evidence of people who’ve gone over the deep end to enhance their photographs in order to look fly on the Internet.  Among them is a young woman who seems to have lost her hips in a rigorous workout regimen and a not-so macho man whose muscles appear as genuine as the cartoon Popeye’s.

Buzzlol.com’s duckface photos are more evidence of plain old dumb behavior.  Why any sane person would post photos of themselves making “duck lips” escapes me.   Well, it has to be cheaper than Botox!

And then there is the page for funny autocorrect, which proves how awry text messages can go by virtue of the autocorrect spelling and context software built into iPhones.  The most hysterical example comes from the girl who used filthy language with what she assumed to be a former boyfriend.  She also asked the “ex” to identify himself among the ten *%&#* she’d dated in the past.  The answer came back, “It’s your father!”  I have to admit, this one gave me the best laugh.  I pictured the punishment the dad must have handed down to his wanton daughter, including the loss of her precious iPhone!

So They Say

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The other day a co-worker reiterated the title of the old Phil Collins song to me, Just Another Day in Paradise.  As the theme of the tune revolved around the impoverished, my colleague’s statement was as sarcastic as the song title, for he was having a rotten day.  His cynicism prompted me to examine some of the strange sayings and slogans that have wormed their way into our vernacular.

Consider “Laugh your ass off.”  If only we could!  Imagine stepping into a comedy club with a hefty posterior and emerging, after some good belly laughs, with a tight derriere.  If this were feasible, how many fitness gurus and plastic surgeons would be on the unemployment line?

What about the admonition to get an education and work hard because “You can’t get by on your good looks”?  That may have been sound advice for the majority of us, but what about the Christie Brinkleys, the Katharine McPhees, and the George Clooneys of the world?  Although these celebrities are talented in their own rights, their good looks certainly unlocked doors for them that Plain Janes and Average Joes struggle to pry open.

Cartoon icon Fred Flintstone’s signature saying was “Yabba dabba do!”  Joyfully crowed, this nonsense indicated excitement on the caveman’s part.  Comic Jerry Seinfeld, however, liked to say “Yada, yada, yada” to express his boredom.

Frank Sinatra scored a hit with “That’s Life,” a song about life’s little and not so little ups and downs (“You’re riding high in April, and shot down in May”).  Whenever life throws them curve balls, it’s a fatalistic “That’s life!” that rolls off some people’s tongues.  However, these folks neglect to use the same phrase when things appear rosy.

Some clever soul put a new spin on an old adage with “Every morning is the dawn of a new error.”  Singer Michael Buble apparently disagrees, for his song, “Feeling Good” contains the lyrics, “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me.”  I’m glad that Michael encourages us to move past our mistakes and get on with our lives.

Do you remember the phrase made famous by James Bond in the film, Diamonds are Forever?  It was “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”  Well, James lied.  If he’d told the truth, the world would be beating a path to The City of Lost Wages — not to gamble but to bury their dirty little secrets.  Interestingly, this saying has been adapted to fit a number of situations. It can be found on all manner of T-shirts, including those worn by babies that proclaim, “What happens at Grandma’s, stays at Grandma’s.”

Verizon’s slogan “Can you hear me now?” is a side splitter.  With so many jobs outsourced to call centers overseas, not only do I have trouble hearing people on the other end of the line, I have the devil of a time understanding them.  And vice versa!

How about the battle cry, “Do you yahoo? Yahoo!”  If you think “Yahoo” relates only to an Internet browser, think again.  In the 1960’s, one of the first advertisements for the soft drink Mountain Dew featured the slogan, “Yahoo!  Mountain Dew!”  It was a sly play-on-words, as the term “mountain dew” was synonymous with moonshine.  My mother, however, had another use for “Yahoo!”   Growing up, when my siblings and I drove her bonkers, she would step outside the house and yodel at the top of her lungs, “Yahoo! Mountain Dew!”   She wasn’t peddling moonshine; it was simply her way of letting off steam.

DeBeers, the fine jewelry company, claimed that, “A diamond is forever.”  Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of many marriages.  Some women want a diamond ring more than they want a ball and chain … I mean, a husband.

A delusional individual must have penned dunkin Donuts’ slogan, “America runs on Dunkin”.  If we crammed donuts into our faces regularly, we wouldn’t be running anywhere; we’d be huffing and puffing with every movement.  If only we could run on them!  If only we could shove the tasty treats into our gas tanks, it would be so much cheaper than what we pay at the pumps.  Righteous, too.  Just think of what it would do to BP (British Petroleum), which so richly deserves to go broke after unleashing that never-ending spill into the Gulf.

A buzz saw line that many of us remember was uttered in the movie A Few Good Men.  “You can’t handle the truth!” spat Nathan Jessup (Jack Nicholson) at the opposing attorney, Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise).  The Jessup character may as well have been speaking to the majority of the human race because, as another old maxim goes, “The truth hurts.”

Boy, does it!  The saying, “Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop” packs a wallop for those of us who crave intimacy but don’t like the way our bodies look.  But, hope springs eternal.  If ever we despair of finding the perfect life partner, we should keep in mind another axiom: “For every pot, there is a lid.” 

Self-Camouflaging Office (Video)



Apparently, this video is a Russian commercial for an insurance company under the country’s laws mandating that all car owners have some level of auto insurance coverage (yes, even in the former Soviet Union, one cannot escape mandatory auto insurance).  In this regard, New Jersey is a lot like Russia, or vice versa.  Regardless of the language barrier (for all of us non-Russian speakers), I find the video very amusing.

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