Have you ever considered how frequently you complain? If you are like most people, hardly a day passes without the utterance of some form of complaint. For some people, conversation would virtually cease, but for the expression of any of a litany of their personal complaints.
Very early in life, humans learn to complain in order to gain attention and achieve fulfillment of needs. Infants cry to communicate that there is something about which they are discontented. And, they quickly discover that the louder they cry the more immediate is the response. Untempered by the corrective actions of parental or other figures of authority in their lives, some of these infants grow into children, adolescents, and ultimately adults whose focus in life is the realization of their every desire – even if such realization is to the significant detriment or expense of others. Such individuals can be very demanding and do not hesitate to express their displeasure when even their most insignificant whims are not fulfilled.
Over the past several decades, as self-esteem building has gained equal stature with educating children among parents and school officials, we have created a whole generation of individuals who believe that realization of their desires is an entitlement – a generation of narcissists for whom complaining is not merely their standard means of communication, but also a form of negotiation. Anyone employed in a customer or public service capacity can attest to the fact that complaining by customers and constituents is becoming more frequent and strident.
Of course, complaints differ significantly in their degrees of reasonableness, and there is no expectation on anyone’s part that one should forego making a fully-justified complaint. Most complaints, however, do not fall within this category.
Realizing the epidemic nature of complaining in our society, the Reverend William Bowen, Pastor of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, Missouri, initiated a program in 2006 to heighten personal awareness of one’s own culpability in proliferating complaining in our lives and society. He devised what he calls “the complaint-free bracelet,” a simple purple rubber bracelet similar to those used by various charitable organizations. The bracelet is used to alert its wearer to the frequency of his own personal complaining. Each time a wearer utters a complaint, he moves the bracelet from one wrist to the other. The goal is to maintain the bracelet on one wrist for twenty-one consecutive days. According to information provided by the Pastor, it takes the average person from four to ten months to accomplish the objective. Wearing the bracelet, of course, makes one acutely aware of one’s own complaining. Absent the bracelet as a reminder, one wonders if anyone who is not asleep or comatose ever experiences twenty-one consecutive complaint-free minutes, let alone days.
Complaining, particularly when concerned with matters of little significance, is rarely beneficial to either the complainer or those receiving or listening to the complaint. It puts one in a negative state of mind and undermines our faith in others. It is used often as a crutch to explain our own lack of initiative or failure to achieve or perform to the level of our expectations. It permits us to wallow in self-pity and deters us from advancing our own interests or those of society in general.
The legendary Walter Elias (Walt) Disney articulated the motto, “Let go of the past. Keep moving forward.” In a “complaint-free” world, one can only imagine how far forward our redirected energies might take us.
