Tag Archive | "Bruce Jenner"

Two Weeks Notice!!!

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With a few Latin words, Pope Benedict XVI did what no Pope has done in almost 600 years – abdicate the Papacy!  His announcement sent shockwaves around the globe and sent the world atwitter (all puns intended) with speculation as to the reason for his sudden announcement and departure.


Most people who give notice to their employers leave to accept a better opportunity.  Although the Pope did not indicate his plans (perhaps he could not fully express them in Latin), my money is on reality television.  Recently, an anonymous source indicated to me that several cable networks had made handsome offers to his Holiness for reality TV shows.


truTV has allegedly offered the Pope a leading role in a reality program starring his Holiness and a retired Hindu master.  Dubbed Holy Cow!, the show will air on Sundays and feature lively banter between the Pontiff and his Hindu foil on subjects such as God, Eternity, Heaven, reincarnation, and the comparative popularity of sitar music versus Gregorian chants.


Not to be outdone, however, E! Network is also seeking the Pope’s services. With the demise of The Girls Next Door, E! network is seeking  new programming, and the Pope’s resignation may be just the ticket to create a reality television megahit.  Teaming Hugh Hefner with the Pontiff, The Pope Next Door will be a buddy list reality comedy enabling his Holiness to demonstrate his lighter side.  Whether worshipping the sun in Honolulu or cruising for snow bunnies in Aspen, the Pope and Hef are sure to delight their viewers.  If contract talks with Hugh Hefner stall, E! has a backup plan, employing the Pope to replace Bruce Jenner on Keeping Up with the Kardashians.


Of course, in all seriousness, I am certain that the Pope’s decision has the best interests of all Roman Catholics at heart and fear that it is based on some debilitating mental or physical illness.  Yet, if he wanted, he could be bigger than Honey Boo Boo!



Keeping Up with Kim (Kardashian)

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For those of you unconcerned with important national events or who have been living in the dark following the freak October northeastern snow storm, you may be shocked to learn that Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce just 72 days after her ballyhooed wedding to NBA star (?) Kris Humphries!  Any long-term impacts on world financial markets have not yet been revealed.

Having made millions on the broadcast rights and raked in a considerable amount in wedding gifts, Kim has decided to donate a comparatively paltry $200 thousand from her haul to the Dream Foundation.  Having taken in almost $18 million from the wedding and paid zero (that’s right, everything from the invitations to the gowns and reception were provided gratis for this made-for-cable-TV wedding), Kim’s magnanimity to the poor ranks slightly below that of Bernie Madoff.

In addition, Kim intends keeping the 20.5 carat diamond ring valued at nearly $2 million that her ex-hubby Humphries gave her at the time of their engagement!  Perhaps, Kris didn’t pay for that either.

Kim is the daughter of attorney and music producer, the late Robert Kardashian who unlike Kim actually earned his money.  Marital infidelity by Kim’s mom, Kris, led to the divorce of her birth parents.  Eventually, Kris hooked another sap, former Olympian Bruce Jenner.

Kim partied through her young adulthood on the LA socialite circuit with close lifelong friend Paris Hilton (as they say, birds of a feather flock together).  She married music producer Damon Thomas in 2000 and divorced him in 2004.  Now a two-time loser at marriage, Kim’s public persona skyrocketed in 2007 with the release of a home sex video featuring Kim and R&B singer Ray J (the Kardashian women know what the public wants).

 If you’re still reading this article, you’re probably wondering about the nature of the society in which we live, a culture in which the average American is descending into poverty while those with low moral and ethical standards, like Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, and Charlie Sheen, laugh all the way to the bank.

This cult of personality and societal preoccupation with the lewd, lascivious, shocking, and just plain bizarre is another indication of the demise of our country and the world.  While it is human nature to stare at a train wreck or natural disaster, it is utter foolishness to pay to do so.  Yet, if you watch cable or satellite television or, God forbid, purchase a product endorsed or sold by one of these so-called celebrities (what is it we’re celebrating?), you are supporting their hedonistic lifestyles.

So, stop reading this article!  Cancel your cable or satellite subscription!  And, boycott all products endorsed or sold by those who reap riches at the expense of the morons whose lives are so devoid of stimulation or purpose that they actually care about the life of Kim Kardashian or any other celebrity! 

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