From the category of “where are they now” comes an entertaining infographic on a subject of interest to many – classic television programs and movies.  However, the “they” are not people but vehicles.

Have you ever wondered what became of the vehicles that transported the Clampett’s in The Beverly Hillbillies, Van Williams and Bruce Lee in the Green Hornet television series, Bo and Luke Duke in The Dukes of Hazzard, the Ghostbusters crew in the eponymous movie, or Davy, Peter, Mike, and Mickey in The Monkees?

Or, would you like to own an authentic piece of entertainment iconography?  If so, get yourself over to the Barrett-Jackson auction in Scottsdale, Arizona tomorrow, and if you’re lucky and very wealthy, you may become the new owner of the original Batmobile!

We’d like to thank Chapman Automotive Group for this infographic.

The massive power outages caused by Hurricane Sandy, or “Frankenstorm” as it has been dubbed due to its proximity to Halloween, has many in New Jersey considering – perhaps, for the first time – what life would be like without electric power.  Electricity provides mobility, connectivity, and creature comforts unimagined by most just two or three centuries ago.  And, its imprint is not just upon daily living but also the field of entertainment.

Without electricity, entertainment as we know it today would be impossible.  Theatrical productions of today, many with special effects one might expect of a Hollywood blockbuster, bear little resemblance to those in centuries past.  And, of course, cinema and television depend upon electric power for both transmission and viewing.  The symbiotic effect of modern life and electric power, however, has pervaded the thoughts of creatives in the film, television, and print industries for decades and beyond.

At one point in history, electricity was theorized to be the life force.  It was the reanimation of the dead by electric power that was at the core of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein and the many film adaptations of her novel.

For sheer terror, however, consider the impact of darkness on the human psyche.  Biblically speaking, darkness has been viewed as being in opposition to light and symbolizes the eternal conflict between evil and good.  In darkness, evil men perpetrate nefarious schemes.  As children, we fear the dark – a fear that appears to have been ingrained in mankind from his earliest days on earth.

Hollywood has based some of its most frightening films on fear of darkness.  In the 1965 film I Saw What You Did and its subsequent remake, a prank turns potentially deadly for teen girls who find themselves home alone in an isolated, dark setting.   And, who can forget a masked Michael Myers in Halloween or hockey-masked Jason in Friday the 13^th - each seemingly always lying in wait for his prey in the dark.

Yet, if darkness inspires terror, the loss of power at any time of day or night is a cause of significant concern and anxiety to most people.  In one of my favorite and most influential sci-fi films of the 1950s, The Day the Earth Stood Still, a complete worldwide loss of power is employed by an alien emissary to gain the attention of a hostile world on the verge of interplanetary travel.

More recently, NBC has broadcast Revolution, a series chronicling the exploits of a small band of survivors fifteen years after a complete and seemingly permanent loss of electrical power globally.  If art is an imitation of life, then this program graphically demonstrates how quickly social order can collapse in the aftermath of a complete loss of power.  Electricity and its transmission, it appears, are the glue that hold together our modern world.  And, it seems that those in the arts realized the potential implications of its loss sooner than our supposed leaders in government and society.

Imagine leaving your home to relocate to a distant land, never to return.  What thoughts would cross your mind?  What emotions would you experience?  Now, imagine that the distant land to which you are to relocate is not even in this world!

Well, if the plans being laid by a Dutch Company are successfully implemented, that is exactly the scenario that awaits four brave, adventurous humans in 2022 when they will depart planet Earth on a one-way trip to establish a human settlement on Mars – a planet they will call home for the remainder of their lives.

Led by Bas Lansdorp, a Dutch researcher who was a co-founder of Ampyx Power – an alternative energy startup, Mars One, as the initiative has been dubbed, has laid the groundwork for this epic mission, identifying potential suppliers for every project component.  Additionally, a timeline has been established with astronaut selection beginning in 2013, a communications satellite and supplies launched in 2016, a rover transported in 2018, and a second rover and remaining supplies including living and support units sent in 2021.  The rovers will take all materials and supplies to the settlement location and prepare for the arrival of the astronauts who will embark on September 14, 2022 and arrive at their new home sometime in April 2023.

Taking a page from reality television programming like Survivor, the team planning the Mars One mission hopes to fund their project via the entertainment value of their endeavor.  Using the Olympics as a model, they look at the marketing revenue generated by the Winter and Summer Games (approximately three weeks each) once every four years.  In the 2005-2008 Olympic cycle, for instance, marketing revenue from all sources totaled $5.45 billion with the implication being that in the three weeks before and after arrival of the astronauts, audience interest should enable them to generate at least as much money.

But, beginning with astronaut selection in 2013, the plan is to broadcast preparations and training of the selectees.  Forty astronauts will be selected and trained.  Four will embark on the maiden voyage in 2022 with an additional four dispatched every two years thereafter.  And, according to the Mars One team’s plan, the audience will participate in the selection process.  The Mars One website states that “who gets to go to Mars will be decided, at least in part, by the audience. This audience interaction will greatly enhance entertainment value and audience engagement for the project.”

It sounds to this observer as if this entire project may be nothing more than a pitch for a new reality television program with prospective astronauts, like contestants on American  Idol, being promoted by the votes of an engaged public.  While the team may indeed be planning on making this mission a reality, they have a number of years (and perhaps, even more with “technical delays”) during which to earn marketing revenue from the selection and training process.  One can only presume that some of those selected may decide to bail out of the program during training and new selectees may have to be voted onto the mission.

If the mission does succeed, viewers can only anticipate the human drama and hardships to be endured by the first settlers on a desolate planet.  The team anticipates this as its website further states “the candidate astronauts are sure to be interesting characters, and their training programme will be fascinating for a great many people – for its technical interest as well as the human challenges involved with such a physically and psychologically demanding programme.  It’s true that audience figures for the moon landings dropped off after the initial event.  However, this was because nothing particularly new or interesting happened after the first mission.  In the case of Mars One, the audience will experience life on Mars in a much more direct, engaging and comprehensive way, through our astronaut’s eyes.  All their experiences and discoveries will be as new and fascinating for us as they are for the astronauts.  They will not just be ‘doing their job’, they will be living their lives, complete with all the emotions and struggles that are part of normal everyday life; but they will be doing that in the most exciting habitable place in the solar system, complete with its own completely unique challenges.  It is the human aspect that makes our Mars mission so interesting for people.”

Is this just hype to get investors and contributors on board before it becomes apparent that the Mars One team will not be able to deliver on their plan?  If it is, they seem to have duped a distinguished scientist, Gerard ‘t Hooft who won the 1999 Nobel Prize in Physics, who stated: “This is an extraordinary project by people with vision, imagination.  This is really something that can be achieved.”

I’ll let you form your own opinions.  Below you can view a slickly-produced video from the Mars One website.  Note the eery similarity to the film 2001: A Space Odyssey.  If entertainment value can foot the bill for this project estimated at $6 billion, maybe we can pay the national debt with a reality show following the exploits of Presidential candidates and, after the election, the President himself.

Almost 31 years since its occurrence on the night of November 28-29, 1981, the tragic, untimely death of Academy Award-nominated actress Natalie Wood remains a mystery.  Was her death accidental, as was originally determined by Los Angeles County Coroner Thomas Noguchi following a brief investigation?  Or, was her death due to foul play – possibly, at the hands of her husband Robert Wagner?

The occurrences of that night are fairly well documented.  Wood died from drowning and hypothermia during the course of a Thanksgiving weekend boating trip to Catalina Island – 22 miles southwest of Los Angeles.  Along with Wood aboard their yacht The Splendour were her husband Robert Wagner, actor Christopher Walken with whom she was co-starring in the science fiction film Brainstorm, and the boat’s one-man crew Captain Dennis Davern.

Reports at the time indicated that the evening began at about 4:00 PM as Wood, Wagner, and Walken dined at the Harbor Reef Restaurant on the island.  Waitresses and patrons at the restaurant reported that the trio drank several bottles of champagne.  During the meal, Natalie was observed openly flirting with Walken, precipitating a profane and rowdy disagreement at their table.

Drunk and disorderly, the three were seen boarding a small dinghy and motoring back to The Splendour where, according to reports at the time, the party continued.  At some point during the evening, Natalie changed into a flannel nightgown, a pair of knee-high socks, and a thick down jacket and boarded one of The Splendour’s dinghies.

According to the original testimony of Captain Davern, he noticed that the dinghy in question was gone as he began the process of shutting down the boat at about 12:20 AM.  He indicated that it was not unusual for Natalie to take out the dinghy and observe the stars at night.  When some time elapsed, he became concerned and informed Wagner of her absence.  According to Davern, Wagner immediately set out on another dinghy to search for Natalie.  Shortly after 1:00 AM, Wagner returned and notified the harbor patrol to search for her.  At approximately 3:30 AM, the Coast Guard was added to the search and rescue team.  At 8:00 AM, helicopter observers spotted her body floating face down several hundred yards from the boat with the dinghy another couple hundred yards from her body.

Upon examination of her body preserved following its recovery in a hyperbaric chamber, Coroner Noguchi noted extensive bruising of the legs and arms.  Sheriff’s department personnel present during her body’s recovery indicated an absence of rigor and foam around the mouth.  Based on the evidence, Noguchi theorized that Wood got in the dinghy and likely slipped on the wet swim platform while untying it from the boat and fell into the cold water of the harbor.  Attempting to climb up the the sides of the rubber dinghy, she was unable to do so because of the weight of the now soaked down jacket.  As she struggled to get into the dinghy, she noticed it slowly drifting out into the harbor.  She eventually succumbed to the freezing water temperatures and any cries for help were muffled by loud music emanating from the boats of other revelers.

In the more than 30 years since the tragic events of that night, rumors have swirled concerning the circumstances of her death, new information has come to light, and at least one significant witness has changed his story.  In November of 2011, two weeks before the anniversary of Wood’s death, the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department reopened the investigation with detectives interviewing a number of witnesses to the events of the evening in question and traveling to Hawaii to inspect the yacht that Wood and the others were aboard.

Additionally, reports have come from other sources shedding new light on Natalie’s death.  Robin Butillo, an Interior Designer, indicated in an interview with The National Enquirer that her roommate was privy to a “sex secret” between Wood and Christopher Walken.  In the hours following the revelation of her death, a distraught Walken called Butillo’s roommate and confessed that he was having an affair with Wood.

In a sworn statement to the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department, former Coast Guard Supervising Rescue Boat Captain Roger Smith, who was on duty and pulled Wood’s body from the water in 1981 indicated that he hopes the reopened investigation will provide answers to the critical question as to why there was a time lapse before lifeguards were called.  He stated that “based on the condition of her body when we pulled her from the water, I believe she survived for sometime in the water and was blown out to sea. She probably cried for help for hours.” Smith added “I’ve always believed she could have been saved.  Her fingers were still pliable when she was pulled from the water, suggesting she had not been dead for hours.”

But, perhaps the most explosive of the recent revelations comes from statements of Captain Davern recanting his testimony of almost 31 years ago.  The captain told TMZ that Robert Wagner shouted “Do you want to f*** my wife” at Christopher Walken, who was sitting next to Wood on the couch, a short time before her disappearance.

Davern said that Wagner and Wood got into a heated argument after their return to the boat from the island and that Wagner refused to look for her.  These new revelations are in sharp contrast to statements made to the police immediately after Wood’s body was recovered.  On a recent appearance on The Today Show referring to Robert Wagner’s demeanor the night of Natalie’s death, Davern said, “It was a matter of ‘We’re not going to look too hard, we’re not going to turn on the search light, we’re not going to notify anybody right at the moment.’”  Davern added, “I made some terrible decisions and mistakes.  I did lie on a report years ago.  I made mistakes by not telling the honest truth in a police report.”  When Davern was asked if Wagner was “responsible” for Wood’s death, Davern said, “Yes I would say so.”

And, according to ABC News, Davern’s has recently passed a polygraph examination.  Examiner Howard Temple performed the examination and adjudged the results as “truthful.”  “Davern made the statement that he stayed at the Wagner home … [was] told not to talk … [that] Wagner paid for his therapy, and Davern could not leave the estate without bodyguards,” Temple said.

Perhaps equally telling is a statement in the official coroner’s report that states that a private investigator who located the dinghy that Natalie had used indicates that the key was in the ignition and in the “off” position, the gear was in neutral, and the oars tied down.  Apparently, the dinghy was simply drifting and not used that night.

Does this mean, as Captain Davern asserts, that Robert Wagner is responsible for Natalie Wood’s death – whether accidental, murder, or manslaughter?  Perhaps not.  But, the Los Angeles Coroner’s office has decided to change Natalie Wood’s official cause of death from “accidental drowning” to “undetermined.”

I receive a number of promotional emails from publicists of various bands and other entertainers weekly.  Rarely, however, do I feel the urge to share the work of these artists with my site’s visitors.  Today, however, I do.  The video below is by Brooklyn’s folk pop collective “Balthrop, Alabama,” and it is a hoot!!!

Balthrop, Alabama – for those of you unfamiliar – is a folk-rock band/town founded in 2006 by Alabama-born songwriter-siblings Pascal and Lauren Balthrop who adopted New York City as their home.  With a population of 11 or so, the band released its double-album debut, “Your Big Plans and Our Little Town,” in 2007.

“You’ve Gotta Be Gay” is featured on the band’s new album “We Have Electricity.”  The video features celebrated drag performer Murray Hill and is directed by Pascal Balthrop who describes the song as, “…a queer-positive manifesto to the benefits of facing life’s foibles with a smile.”  The campy romp is filled with jazz hands and chorus lines and is just plain fun!

Enjoy it and check out their website and YouTube videos.

To avoid annihilation and promulgate their controversial new religion, the early Christians went underground – often, literally.  Cognizant of the threat of persecution, and spreading truth through stealth and perseverance, The Faithful persevered to see Christianity become one of the major religions of the world.

When Clear Channel and Payola got their mitts on commercial radio, and when Auto Tuning further bastardized what was broadcast on those radio stations, good music went the way of the early Christians.  And like Christianity, it would not die.  Devotees went underground in the metaphorical sense, seeking new avenues through which to locate, enjoy, promote, and share music made in the human soul as opposed to the boardrooms.  Deus ex machina, the Internet emerged as a key resource for these quests.  The latest techno offering for music geeks – uniquely customizable, and best of all, free of charge — is deliradio.com.

The site is aptly named.  Just like sandwich selections in a deli, you choose exactly what you want.  You’ll be surprised at what you get, and how simple it is to navigate the site.  Ferreting out which artists are playing in your town, a neighboring burg, or anywhere you’re willing to travel to see them jam live?  Simply type in the name of the city and up pops a menu of all the artists scheduled to appear there.  Do you want that Reuben sandwich with the works or minus the sauerkraut?  If you want the works, click “all genres”.  If you prefer to hold the ‘kraut, the Russian dressing, or even the rye bread, click the genre or genres of music that appeal to you.

If you wish to locate your music by way of specific artists or venues, click the appropriate button to launch your search.  You’ll be happy to find the more well-known musicians and singers, both indy (independent) and signed to major labels, as well as lesser known local acts, the latter appearing in neighborhood venues for a small cover charge or even no charge.

Once located, you can sample selections of the artists’ work.  Not clips but full songs, they are arranged in album order. (Yes, album: my musical sensibilities go that far back and by now, most of us know why vinyl albums once ruled the airwaves and are making a healthy comeback).  Not every artist permits plays of all the songs listed, but there’s a good deal of free music available – and yes, you can download the app to your mobile device.  A really cool feature enables you to create your very own “radio station” by choosing music from the site and/or uploading music from other sources.  You’re the program manager and DJ here, not some on-air employee paid to rotate playlists as stale as last month’s bread.

If you’re a touring artist, you can promote your tour with dates, venues, and photos, enabling fans both new and established to purchase tickets right there on the site.

I’d asked my good friend and fellow music geek, Patricia (Tish) Pomykal, to check out deliradio.com and she went nuts, in a good way!  Initial hiccups with IE (the Internet Explorer browser) included the inability to access the full screen, but Tish soldiered on.  Here’s her take:

Tried it in Firefox and it works great!  I used the link for upcoming shows in Atlanta and there was the Jamie McLean Band. I clicked on his name, and info for the band showed up in the bottom window.  The songs play quickly. There is a share button for twitter and facebook or e-mail. There is also a link for the band profile page.  I clicked on that and there are all the upcoming concerts for the Jamie McLean Band, including the one coming up in Connecticut that Taylor Hicks is playing with him.  I clicked on that and it went straight to the ticket page … with a picture of Taylor. There are share buttons on both the band profile page and the ticket page.  What a great way to let your friends know what concerts you are attending or thinking of attending!

The player works like a popup and you can keep it playing in the background while you do other work on your computer or access other web sites in your browser.  I’m going to put in my local area and see what bands come up. I am excited to try it on my cell phone also……and it’s all free!!

[With respect to musicians using the site to promote their music and concerts] … scroll to the bottom of the page for a FAQ page. It says artists can sell their music but they need a Paypal account and they keep 100% of the profits. There is also a video about setting up a band account. There is also a statement that Deliradio will not allow a band to upload cover songs; it all has to be original music that the artist owns the rights to.  Once you read over the FAQ’s, notice at the top there is a menu for all the web site policies, all the legal stuff. 

With all of these options at deliradio.com, Tish and I will gladly place our “deli orders” for great free music, handcrafted radio stations, and concert tickets.  If you too register for the site, enjoy the tasty feast!

For those of you unconcerned with important national events or who have been living in the dark following the freak October northeastern snow storm, you may be shocked to learn that Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce just 72 days after her ballyhooed wedding to NBA star (?) Kris Humphries!  Any long-term impacts on world financial markets have not yet been revealed.

Having made millions on the broadcast rights and raked in a considerable amount in wedding gifts, Kim has decided to donate a comparatively paltry $200 thousand from her haul to the Dream Foundation.  Having taken in almost $18 million from the wedding and paid zero (that’s right, everything from the invitations to the gowns and reception were provided gratis for this made-for-cable-TV wedding), Kim’s magnanimity to the poor ranks slightly below that of Bernie Madoff.

In addition, Kim intends keeping the 20.5 carat diamond ring valued at nearly $2 million that her ex-hubby Humphries gave her at the time of their engagement!  Perhaps, Kris didn’t pay for that either.

Kim is the daughter of attorney and music producer, the late Robert Kardashian who unlike Kim actually earned his money.  Marital infidelity by Kim’s mom, Kris, led to the divorce of her birth parents.  Eventually, Kris hooked another sap, former Olympian Bruce Jenner.

Kim partied through her young adulthood on the LA socialite circuit with close lifelong friend Paris Hilton (as they say, birds of a feather flock together).  She married music producer Damon Thomas in 2000 and divorced him in 2004.  Now a two-time loser at marriage, Kim’s public persona skyrocketed in 2007 with the release of a home sex video featuring Kim and R&B singer Ray J (the Kardashian women know what the public wants).

 If you’re still reading this article, you’re probably wondering about the nature of the society in which we live, a culture in which the average American is descending into poverty while those with low moral and ethical standards, like Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan, and Charlie Sheen, laugh all the way to the bank.

This cult of personality and societal preoccupation with the lewd, lascivious, shocking, and just plain bizarre is another indication of the demise of our country and the world.  While it is human nature to stare at a train wreck or natural disaster, it is utter foolishness to pay to do so.  Yet, if you watch cable or satellite television or, God forbid, purchase a product endorsed or sold by one of these so-called celebrities (what is it we’re celebrating?), you are supporting their hedonistic lifestyles.

So, stop reading this article!  Cancel your cable or satellite subscription!  And, boycott all products endorsed or sold by those who reap riches at the expense of the morons whose lives are so devoid of stimulation or purpose that they actually care about the life of Kim Kardashian or any other celebrity! 

At joyous social gatherings, nothing sets a mood, builds excitement, and creates memories like music.  That’s why, when choosing musicians among the many available for your wedding, christening, bar/bat mitzvah, or corporate function, you want to choose wisely.   You want a band well versed in a broad range of musical genres, appealing to youngsters, senior citizens, and everyone in between.  But more than that, you want a band whose love for music is palpable, whose respect for the original artists is genuine, and whose excitement is infectious.

Nick of Time is that band.

Steve, the multi-faceted keyboardist, colors the melodies with rainbows both contemporary and traditional.  Out of his keys, he coaxes the sound of ivories as well as horns!   Engaging performers who capture audience participation, vocalists Gordon and Jim nail the tunes and lyrics to songs that you and your guests know and love.  And, drummer Manny pounds the skins to within an inch of his life, carrying rhythms that lift hearts and shake hips on the dance floor.

Meet the band (hover over picture for name in caption – article resumes below photos):

Covering songs by Sinatra, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Ray Charles, Elvis Presley, Chuck Berry, the Four Tops, Elton John, Glen Miller, the Andrew Sisters, Andy Williams, Bobby Darin, Conway Twitty, Charlie Rich, Toby Keith, Billy Joel, Stevie Wonder, Steely Dan, Elvis Costello, Cream, Led Zeppelin, and too many more to mention here, Nick of Time rocks it out, from 40s swing to 50s R&B to 60s Motown to classic rock to country and Top 40 crowd pleasers.

Didn’t find your favorite artists among those listed here?  Odds are, the band covers them with expertise and joie de vivre.  Just click through to their website to view their full catalog.

Better yet, call Nick of Time today.  Audition them, fall in love with them, book them, and create an event that you and your guests will remember for years to come.

After the strains of The Star Spangled Banner and other rousing national paeans fade, we finally uncover the real America.  The real America is alive and well on The Jerry Springer Show.

Here, on display for all the world to see, we find the unsolved problems of our country.  Here, the words, “Oh, say can you see,” have new meaning.  Here, we watch the Sad Sacks of our country tell it like it is, their sagas punctuated by foul mouthed throw-downs, liberally flying fisticuffs, and the refereeing of Springer’s trained bodyguards, ahem, springing into action.

 Without lengthy courtroom trials or legal judgments, we witness, five times a week and in the space of an hour, the resolution to a plethora of undesirable situations.  These include the beautiful blonde pregnant with the child of a dirt bag who’s secretly in love with his ex-cellmate, the mother screwing her daughter’s husband, and the 450 pound transvestite who can’t understand why he (she???) must suffer slings and arrows when parading in public while crammed into day-glow Spandex.

Lest you think this show is merely concerned with sensationalism and ratings jumping as high as my blood pressure does when I so much as look at a hot dog, think again.  Jerry and his peeps are genuinely concerned with human suffering, and they’ve proven it.  Time and again, they’ve offered to perform free DNA testing on the love children of women who’ve dallied with an average of seven paramours.  But, Springer and his crew don’t stop there; they go the extra mile.  They reveal the DNA results in upcoming shows!

Those are not all the perks for the all-too-willing guests, for they fulfill Andy Warhol’s prophesy.  What?  You forgot the prophesy of the late, great painter of soda cans?  This artistic genius postulated that everyone would come to enjoy his or her fifteen minutes of fame (okay, forty minutes on the Springer show, with commercial breaks).  Without the  angst of the casting coach or the bloodthirsty competition of vying for a record contract, guests achieve instant notoriety via Springer’s generosity!  Why, he even allows the audience to participate in the fun and games.

As in the ancient gladiator contests, the live spectators are the final decision-makers. With thumbs up or thumbs down to the guests, this group gleefully determines the resolution to multitudinous loads of dirty laundry aired on national television.  At home, the viewing public doesn’t get to vote.  But that little detail doesn’t trouble them, for they get their kicks their own way.  They are sadists, you see, who delight in the stories of Les Miserables (the miserable ones).  Like hyenas, they relish tearing the last shreds of meat from the bones of Springer’s guests.

The genius at the helm of this popular program is to be lauded for having brought the upstanding tenets of the Marquis De Sade to modern America.  A 17^th century aristocrat, de Sade attained fame through his erotic writings and lifestyle, which elevated enjoyment of the pain of others to an art form.  Springer’s show has not, as of this writing, resorted to whips and chains.  But, I have faith in him! 

America seems to be following in the footsteps of the Roman Empire.  Witness the state of our government and our lifestyles, including our forms of entertainment.  In the ancient Roman Colosseum, people paid to gleefully watch gladiators and lions impale and devour hapless Christians.  In modern times, reality TV has become the new Colosseum and the American viewing public has become modern-day Romans. The reality shows clogging the airwaves revolve around cutthroat business competitions, young nitwits vacationing at the shore, and the performing arts.  Into the latter category falls a popular show, “Dancing with the Stars.”

In this competition, a celebrity clueless about dancing is paired with a professional dancer.  The pairs always consist of a man and a woman (this year’s contestant, Chaz Bono, notwithstanding).  The professional dancer has the grueling task of teaching the partner with two left feet how to cut a rug.  Three judges, themselves professional dancers, weigh in on the performances, awarding points on a scale of 0 to 10.  The judges’ votes are totaled (i.e., a dancing pair may receive a total score of 30).  Reality, however, enters the fore when the at-home audience casts votes each week to keep their favorites jitterbugging.  The selection of the winning team is a process of elimination.

When the show first aired, contestants had to audition.  But in the years that followed, contestants of notoriety were selected to enhance the show’s entertainment value.  Some of the notables that have waltzed, fox-trotted, and samba’d their way across the stage are:

      ·    Hines Ward, an NFL (National Football League) player

      ·    Emmitt Smith, an NFL player

      ·    Marie Osmond, singer and sister to Donny Osmond

      ·    Kirstie Alley, actress

      ·    Tom DeLay, a former U.S. House leader

      ·    J. R. Martinez, war hero and actor

      ·    Mario Lopez, a former contestant on American Idol who scandalized the show by breaking its inane rule of signing with a non-Idol label after he’d been booted from that show

In truth, “Dancing with the Stars” is not really a contest.  What it is, in reality, is a vehicle for ratings and the almighty advertising dollars.   It is also a blood sport.  People tune in to see the amateurs trip over their own two feet, trip over their partners’ feet, injure themselves, break down emotionally, force their bodies through moves God never intended them to make, and cram themselves into costumes that, by and large, don’t leave much to the imagination (this goes for the men’s costumes as well as the women’s).  It doesn’t matter who gets impaled or devoured on this show; America loves its blood sports.

For example, the performances of Kirstie Alley and her partner Maksam Chmerkoskiy were, as the show launched, exercises in futility.  Kirstie had become nearly as famous for her “more to love” body as she had for her role on Cheers.  It was Maksam’s burden, literally, to haul Kirstie around the dance floor.  But, thanks to his hearty ethnic background and titanium jockstraps, Maksam survived what would have given lesser men a double hernia.  Rumors had it that when the show ended, he was nominated for both the Arnold Schwarzenegger Superman Award and the Jack La Laine Man of the Year Award.  Yes, Kirstie dropped a lot of weight as a result of her stint on the show, but it was Maksam who did much of the work.

Marie Osmond added a slice of Victoriana to the show when she fainted during her samba with Jonathan Roberta.  There wasn’t even a couch on stage on which she could have her vapors.  Although the audience’s initial reaction was laughter, the dauntless Marie managed to compose herself after a station break to receive her score from the judges.  Some said the fainting spell was a sympathy ploy to gain higher marks, but since she was awarded 21 out of a possible 30, I don’t think there was too much sympathy being handed out.   Adding insult to injury, some of Marie’s detractors complained that her costume looked like a Disney princess ballet recital costume for a 5-year- old, a la Cupcake.

Former member of the U.S. House of Representatives Tom DeLay didn’t let allegations of money laundering keep him from strutting his stuff.  Fellow House members were astonished by his poise and dexterity as he danced to those old favorites, The Tennessee Waltz and The Eyes of Texas.  But nothing beat his lively dance that included a tush-quiver that brought smiles to a select portion of our society.

One season, Emmitt Smith vied with Mario Lopez for the crown.  Although Mario’s tango brought the judges to the edge of their seats and drew thunderous applause from the audience, it was Emmitt who won.  But don’t feel too badly for Mario.  If you can’t win one reality show, and you can’t win another, fate may yet be kind to you: Mario now hosts his own show.

Contestant J. R. Martinez gave inspiration to us all.  Demonstrating fortitude and determination, this wounded veteran rose from injuries that had consumed 40% of his skin, including one of his ears. He credits the long running and now departing soap opera, All My Children, for his full recovery; compassionately, the soap had offered Martinez an acting position.  Without that notoriety, he felt that would have never been selected to try out for the dance contest.

Among the newcomers to the 2011 season is Nancy Grace of Casey Anthony fame.  Maybe Nancy will be asked to dance to Judgment at Nuremberg or another tune that will reflect her position of former prosecuting attorney and current TV show host.

My only questions about Dancing with the Stars are, “Who are the real stars?  Are they the celebrities that begin with zero talent, or are they the long-suffering professionals constrained to whip them into shape? And why don’t the viewers get to select the contestants?”

If I were granted the opportunity to make the selections, I would like to see people of interest vie for the title, people like President Obama or Mrs. Obama, Hillary Clinton, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, or even Moammar.  If we make the show accessible to audiences globally, this would be a great way to duke out … I mean, dance out … our international problems.  What say ye?