As we keep trying to dig ourselves out of this sluggish economy, some of us are a bit perplexed about how to make the holidays a success without going into greater debt or inducing undo stress.  And so, I would like to offer a few tips and ideas to make your holidays a bit brighter without breaking the bank.  Intended to put some meaning back into the holidays and remove some of the commercialism, here are a few fun ideas that the whole family will enjoy.  They will put your hard-earned money to more practical uses than the purchase of flashy gifts that wind up later in the attic or basement.

Fill a large glass or jar with pennies, marbles, or some type of candy, and have the kids guess how many pieces are inside.  Whoever calculates the closest gets to be in charge of making a special cake for Jesus’ birthday.  Put some candles on that cake and have the kids sing, “Happy Birthday!” to Baby Jesus.

Another idea is for parents to make gift certificates for their children.  The certificates could be good for staying up an hour past normal bedtime, or breakfast in bed, or selecting all the TV shows to watch on any given day. Simple ideas like this cost you nothing.

You could pick a phrase such as Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas and let the children make as many words as possible, using the letters in the phrase.  Reward the child who creates the most words with a small token, such as a dictionary, markers, or stickers.  Some of these can be purchased very inexpensively at a dollar store.

Break out those old great, forgotten games, Scrabble and Monopoly.  Put on your thinking caps and engage in a little friendly competition.  Add extra enjoyment with hot chocolate, complete with little marshmallows floating on top.   Break out some homemade Christmas cookies, or let the kids make some Rice Krispy® squares.  For a special touch, add some chocolate chips or candied fruits to those squares.

Visit the library and bring home Christmas books, CDs, and movies.  Have your kids read to you.  Pop some popcorn and munch it while enjoying the movies.  Make extra popcorn, thread it onto string, and hang it on your Christmas tree, as our ancestors did for garland.

Turn up the music while trimming the tree.  Get out the construction paper, glitter, and markers, and let the kids make some of their own ornaments, or go wild with colorful paper chain garlands.  Collect pinecones and roll them in glitter.  Get creative!

Share your holiday spirit by caroling in nursing homes or assisted living facilities.  Many residents of these places are all but forgotten.  Imagine how their eyes would light up and twinkle at the sight and sound of you and your children singing to them.  If possible, spend some time visiting with the elderly, allowing them to relate some of their own holiday traditions to you and yours.

Now that the children are taken care of, I’m sure you’ll appreciate some gift giving ideas for the adults on your Christmas list.  Personally, I don’t like giving someone a handful of instant scratch-off lottery tickets.  The probability of your recipients getting a winning ticket is slim.  So why not take the $20.00 you would have spent on the tickets and put together a box for a homeless shelter?  A number of us lost power during the historic storms of the last two winters.  Imagine how people in shelters must feel, doing without some basic necessities for extended periods of time.

I’m sure these folks would appreciate toothpaste and toothbrushes, a comb, shampoo, deodorant, and socks.  Or, you could fill the box with hard candy, granola bars, wet wipes, small sewing kits, gift certificates to McDonald’s, phone cards, or perhaps a paperback novel from the bestseller list.  Or consider donating food to a local food bank.   Given the economy, many of the food banks are hard-pressed to service the hungry.

These ideas would work very well for office parties.  Instead of buying a present for the co-worker whose name you drew, you can, as a group, make larger donations to a shelter or a food bank.  Or, give the money you would have spent on a gift for a colleague to a worthy charity, in his or her name.  The Make-A-Wish Foundation, or a cancer research foundation, are but two places that would benefit from such a gift.

Many animal shelters are forgotten, so donate some pet food or kitty litter. Or, pay for an animal to be spayed or neutered.

If you must give a gift to an adult of your acquaintance, why not give a gift card to the grocery store in which they shop regularly?  We all need to eat!  You can also purchase a gift card for Walmart.  Despite some negative press about the retail giant, let’s face it: we all shop there for one thing or another.  With many Walmarts including groceries in their inventories, a gift card is a nice way to help a struggling family without insulting them.

iTunes cards are great, too.  CDs can get expensive if there are only a couple of songs that your recipient enjoys.  But I-tunes cards enable people to download songs of their choice.  Amazon.com offers great gift cards because the website carries almost everything that your recipients may dream about for Christmas.  With gas prices always on the rise, gas cards also make great gifts!  If you purchase gift cards, avoid the ones that require extra fees when they are loaded.

When you renew your subscription to certain magazines, the publishers sometimes offer a reduced rate. You can give a friend the gift of a subscription while saving yourself some money.

One of my favorite things is to bake for my family and friends.  This idea won’t work with people that you do not know well, for they may not appreciate your efforts and may discard the fruits of your labor.

I tested the following recipe a few weeks ago and found it to be a delectable taste of Christmas, with sugar and spice and everything nice!  These cookies make your house smell wonderful, and you probably already have most of the ingredients in your pantry.  The best part is that kids can lend a hand by rolling the dough into balls.  While sugar cookies have long been a Christmas tradition, this recipe for gingersnaps could start a new tradition.

Mom’s Gingersnaps

1 cup packed brown sugar

1/4 teaspoon salt

3/4 cup vegetable oil

1/4 cup molasses

1 teaspoon ground ginger

1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1 egg

2 cups all purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking soda

1/3 cup white sugar for decoration

Directions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

In a large bowl, mix together the brown sugar, oil, molasses, and egg. 

Combine the flour, baking soda, salt, ginger, cloves, and cinnamon and stir them into the molasses mixture.

Roll dough into balls of 1-1/4″ diameter.  Then roll each ball in white sugar.  Place the balls 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheets.

Bake for 10 to 12 minutes in preheated oven, or until center is firm. Cool on wire racks.  Makes 36 cookies.

Prep time is 15 minutes, and the cookies are ready to serve in 40 minutes.

Double the batch for cookie exchanges, gift giving, or future uses.  These cookies have a good shelf life, so freeze some or put some in an airtight container for guests.

I hope that some of these ideas are helpful.  In the true Christmas spirit, I hope that you are inspired to remember that “’tis better to give than to receive.” 

Everyone has heard of the expression, “If it’s free, it’s for me.”  The word “free” mesmerizes us.  The sheer thought of getting something for nothing gives us a rush of adrenaline.  But for everything that you may think is free, think again, even if you are spending a penny or a dollar for a so-called free item.  Case in point:

I bought a Kindle® a few months ago.  With the purchase, the manufacture offered a lot of free books; most of them were classics or the first published works of new authors.  Well, I got hooked like a fish with a juicy worm.  I took advantage of one of the free books and loved it.  Lo and behold, there was a sequel that I just had to buy; yes, buy.  Even though I understand that the heroine in the tale was fictional, I was drawn in by her story and wanted to find out what happened next.  Because this book was not yet on retailers’ shelves or in libraries, that’s how I got trapped: I paid the asking price.

My next big electronic investment was an iPod Touch®.  Before deciding to make the purchase, I found that the company offered many free applications, including games.  The apps are great inventions, but ultimately, consumers have to pay to access them.  Unaware of this, I downloaded the apps because they were advertised as free.  I received some complimentary coins to begin to play one of the games.  But by the time I was finished playing, I was addicted and wanted to add (read: pay for) more coins to be placed into my account.  It was just like being in Atlantic City.  Oh, the temptation!

It all comes down to buying one game and receiving coins to play another.  And the games are inventive and engaging.  With them, you can build a tropical fish tank or your own zoo, raise butterflies, own a pet salon, or run a restaurant … all in cyberspace, of course.

When it comes to buying things, our greed sometimes exceeds our need.   We stock up on certain products because we’ve been lured into thinking that we can save a few pennies.  When we spot signs saying, “Big Sale!  Buy One, Get One Free!” we can hardly wait to get to the store to shop.  But what do we really get for free?  Most of the time, the coupons the purveyors give you are not valid on the day of the big sale.  While you may plan on spending $25 or $30, you actually walk out of the store having spent a lot more.  Prices are marked up and selections may be limited.  Because we’ve been led by the nose to expect great savings, we’re oh so determined to get them.  So we walk out of the store with merchandise we really don’t love. We then return it (thus wasting money on gas), shove it in the back of our closets, or give it away to someone else.

We also have a wonderful time shopping online, too wonderful a time, in fact.  How often have we found something on the Web that we really wanted, for the low, low price of a couple of dollars?   We placed the items into our shopping carts, checked out, and nearly fell over when we saw the total amount.  Those low, low prices had been pumped up with shipping charges (that are not reimbursed if the item is returned).

Or how about getting a free trial offer with a money back guarantee?  We think, “Hey, what’s the risk?  We can return the product if we’re not satisfied.”  Well, we can but we still have to shell the postage out of our own pockets!

There is always an angle to these special offers.  Restaurants tantalize you with offers of free food and then get you to part with more of your money by ordering other items from the menu.  For that so-called free food, your wallet will be thinner.  You’ll find yourself taking peanut butter sandwiches to work all week for your lunch.

I always chuckle remembering how my father used to say that some people would take birdseed if it were free, even though no real birds were in their homes, just cuckoo clocks.  If you’re one of those cuckoo clock owners, A.K.A. freebie seekers, beware.  There is always some sort of price to pay, even if it’s the cost of a postage stamp for a self-addressed stamped envelope.  Because everyone wants his or her slice of pie, most of these so-called bargains exist for the sole purpose of advertising.

Most of us are familiar with the puzzle of the glass that appears, in accordance with one’s perspective, as either half-empty or half-full.  While pessimists view the glass as half-full (“I don’t have enough; I need more!”) and optimists deem it half-full (“I have plenty for my needs.”), the truth of the matter is that the both parties are looking at the same exact glass!

Given the current state of the world, it’s easy to side with the pessimists.  Isn’t it? Just acknowledge that the economy is going to hell in a hand basket on a one-way trip, and that there are too many wars, too much disease and poverty, and far too much hatred in this world.  Go ahead: acknowledge that.  Say it out loud.  There.  Now don’t you feel better?  If you said, “Yes,” you’re lying, and you know it.

More than twenty years of focused research projects conducted by leading U.S. medical centers have yielded results strongly indicating that pessimistic people are not only more troubled in their minds than those who see the glass as half full, they are also significantly more disposed to contracting disease of the chronic and acute variety.   Understandably then, pessimists’ life spans are also shorter than those of their cheerier brethren.

But how does one redirect one’s focus, if one is given to seeing the glass as half-empty?  How do we get to that happy place in our souls?

Maybe we can start by reverting to childhood, at least in our hearts.  As a child, my siblings and I often caught fireflies in jars on summer nights and kept those jars, with the tops pierced to let in a little air, by our bedsides.   In the dark, we’d watch the little insects glow and wane, glow and wane, like captive stars.  We knew that if we did not release the fireflies come morning, they would die.  So as children, we understood that there was beauty and wonder all around us, even as we knew that those things could be fleeting.  Perhaps that it is the crux of optimism: the knowledge that because joy is transitory, we must seek it out and keep it alive for as long as possible.

One of the simplest ways to do that is, literally, to count our blessings.  As Charles Dickens said, “Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”

Several years ago, I read a beautiful piece that I wish I had saved.  It said that if we had a roof over our heads, a warm bed in which to sleep, and food on our tables, that we were better off than 80% of the world’s population.  It went on to say that if we had even a small jar of spare change, we were richer than approximately 90% of all the people in the world!   Information such as this can serve as those fireflies did long ago, as small beacons lighting the darkness that can creep into our hearts at the worst of times. 

The other day, for instance, I spied a man riding a bike while toting a huge bag of laundry.  I was in my car, safe and sound, and here was this poor soul struggling to cart his laundry to and from a public Laundromat, while I had not only a car, but also a washer and dryer at home.  However, I didn’t always have those conveniences, so I felt for that man on the bike, and I counted my blessings. I thought of him having to make that trek as the weather grows inclement, and I felt twice as blessed.

Every morning, I’m fortunate enough to have a hot shower before I start my workday.  The warm water pelting me as the suds sluice over me and run down the drain feels wonderful.  All I need to do is turn on the tap, but around the world, many people don’t enjoy this dual pleasure-necessity.   Lacking basic infrastructures, people in underdeveloped nations are forced to haul water in from wells or streams, even walk miles to get it.

I had just a small taste of this when I was a child and occasionally, the pipes in my house would freeze during the winter, particularly in the bathroom.   My brothers and sisters and I were forced to use a washtub in the kitchen and to lather our hair under the kitchen sink, but these inconveniences were few and far between.  This has become another blessing to count.

A woman I know had a grandmother, now passed on, who had two sayings.  One was, “If you have a tongue in your head and a subway token in your pocket, you can never get lost.” (Obviously, she was a New Yorker!)  The other was, “If you have your health, you have everything.”  When people would argue with her, especially on that last point, she would shake her head and say, “You may lose your job.  You may lose your house.  But if you have your health, you can find another job and buy another house!”  Nowadays, most of us are aware of the small, proactive changes that we can affect in our lives in order to stay healthy and live long lives.  Thankfully, we live in a society where these changes are easily within our reach; yet another blessing to count.

This same woman of my acquaintance grew up in New York City and one of its boroughs.  Every morning en route to work, she had to walk through Grand Central Station and literally step over the bodies of countless homeless people.  If they weren’t in Grand Central, they were on the streets, huddled in doorways, or tucked away in the alcoves of the subways.  Always, this woman mused, “There but for the grace of God go I.”  Therefore, she always gave whatever she could to the homeless.  She felt that she had to pay it forward, since God had been good to her.

And therein lies another path to counting our blessings: doing so in a manner that positively impacts others, particularly those less fortunate.  If you don’t live in a big city, you can still pay forward your own blessings with small acts that will be monumental to those who are underprivileged.  Volunteer at a soup kitchen, contribute to food or clothing drives, or become an active member of a philanthropic organization.

The ability to think and act positively is another blessing, one that can be cultivated.  Negative thoughts are like carbon monoxide: enough of them will kill your spirit, make those around you miserable, and can even, as medical professionals know, shorten your life.  Life can be trying, but with a positive attitude, it can be a lot easier.  Surround yourself with positive people, look yourself in the mirror and give yourself genuine compliments, and commit small acts of kindness.  Also, please consider the following.  Do you have:

1.       A roof over your head?           

2.       A blanket to keep you warm at night?

3.       Food in your stomach and in your fridge?

4.       Healthy limbs to help you get out of bed in the morning and earn a living, or seek gainful 

          employment?

5.       Clean water to drink?

6.       A friend to lean on?

7.       Clothes to cover your body?

8.       A smile for someone else?  (Mark Twain once said, “Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.”)

9.       A kind word to give?

10.     Love in your heart to share?

If you’re still having trouble seeing your glass as half full, perhaps you would like to copy this Irish blessing and post it in a place where you can see, and reflect upon it, often.

May your days be many and your troubles be few.

May all God’s blessings descend upon you.

May peace be within you, and may your heart be strong.

May you find what you’re seeking wherever you roam. 

Let’s pretend for a moment that I’m the compassionate, slightly ghoulish son who inherited his father’s business in the hit series Six Feet Under.  Let’s pretend also, that the cosmos, or perhaps your doctor, has tipped you off to the fact that you aren’t long for this world.  Gently, but with a salesman’s deft touch, I — the young undertaker — inquire, “So, what kind of send-off do you prefer?”  Startled, you blink and stammer, “S-send off?  I’m here to discuss plans for my funeral!”  I then give you my best mortician’s smile, nod in total agreement, and haul out a thick, 4/color catalog full of options.

If this scenario makes you uncomfortable, you are not alone.  Most of us cringe at the thought of facing our own demise, including how our remains will spend the rest of eternity.

My personal preference is to be cremated.  It’s quick, the going rate is more than 10 times cheaper than interment, and I like the idea of going out in a blaze of glory.  Another woman I know also prefers cremation.  She is an organ donor and hopes that there won’t be much left of her body when she leaves this Earth, so that people desperate for organs will be given a new lease on life.  She figures that since there will be so little to bury, she would like, as she’s told her family repeatedly, “to be crisped like an order of French fries.” She claims that she will come back to haunt them if her wishes are not honored!

Yet, others of my acquaintance find the thought of cremation appalling.  They rail that cremation leaves our loved ones with nothing: no headstone upon which to place flowers, no gravesite at which to mourn.   This is not an unusual perspective, given the fact that funerals are not for the dead, who can see and feel nothing, or so says the Bible (“The dead…are conscious of nothing, at all” states Ecclesiastes 9:5).  While this is a strange perspective, given the fact that the Christian faith is built upon the concept of eternal life, wakes and funerals are really designed to comfort the living.  They provide a formal, designated period of mourning before the deceased is laid to rest in the ground or placed into that great log flume going up, as Norman Greenbaum sang, “To the spirit in the sky.”

Traditional funerals, however, are extremely costly.  The current average cost for a modest wake — including embalming, the casket, the plot, and the actual burial process — is $10-$12,000.  This is a terrible financial burden for the family to bear, unless the deceased proactively purchased and paid the premiums upon an insurance policy specifically meant to foot the bill for his or her burial.  Cremation, on the other hand, goes for approximately $700-$800, including the cost of an average urn.

Burials also carry hidden costs, including the impact upon our environment.  The cheapest, and therefore the majority, of caskets have historically been made of wood, which means that a lot of trees go to their Maker along with the human dead.  In addition, the removal of trees from the land increases the threat of flooding during storms, as trees’ roots help to absorb rainwater.  The metal caskets in vogue today, while they destroy no trees, last much longer than their natural counterparts and create their own disposal and recycling problems in the future (since most funeral plots are really only rented for a period of time – usually 99 years).

Cremation, on the other hand, may hike up the air pollution level.  But considering how the research findings and warnings of former Vice President Gore and his college professor have been ignored and even discredited, nobody’s really going to give a rat’s hind end about a tad more pollution, particularly if cremation is its source.  What’s the alternative?  Taxidermy?  I think there are laws against that, or at least, I hope they are!  Cryogenic freeze?  Not all of us are rich as Michael Jackson was, to afford such an option (nor as idealistic, to believe that someone in the future will actually care enough to defrost us).

To mitigate the effects upon the environment, some so-called tree huggers are opting for cardboard caskets.  But this still requires the removal of trees from our landscape … unless one is willing to trust recycled paperboard, which as every American consumer knows, is flimsy.  I’d hate to be toted to the graveyard in a cardboard box on a rainy day.  From an environmental perspective, cremation is more desirable.  All one has to do is leave instructions for one’s ashes to be placed within, say, an empty two-liter bottle of Pepsi® or Tide®.  Recycled, indeed!!!

Another disadvantage of a traditional burial is … how shall I put this delicately, since I’m no tender funeral director in real life?  I guess there’s no delicate way to put it.   Another disadvantage to a traditional burial is that you never do know with whom you may wind up spending eternity.   As the population continues to boom and greedy real estate moguls continue to gobble up the land, space for occupied caskets has become a premium.

London, England has already adapted its famous double-decker bus design for its overcrowded cemeteries.  The British are now burying their dead two deep, one atop the other, as a space-saving strategy.  Here in New Jersey, the fourth smallest and most densely populated State in the Union, we’ve begun to do the same.  And New York, which is no slouch in the population department, is following suite.  I don’t know about you, but if there has to be a strange man atop me, I want him young, good looking, and alive!!!

Traditional funerals also tax the families emotionally, as decisions must be made as to what to place inside the coffin before it is lowered forever into its grave.   The practice of placing items into a sarcophagus initiated in ancient Egypt, with a people who understood fully that human beings spend a lot more time dead than alive.   Into those caskets of old were placed, among other things, baskets of food for sustenance in the afterlife.  Nowadays, I’ve seen a full gamut of merchandise from teddy bears to cigarettes to football jerseys tucked in beside the deceased, making me wonder sometimes if these were wakes or the aisles of Wal-Mart.  The trouble with this practice, however, is that loved ones left do not get to keep and savor those cherished mementos that so remind them of those who have passed on.

In ancient Greek and Roman mythology, the dead were compelled to traverse the River Styx in order to reach the underworld.  In those cultures, coins were placed over the eyes of the dead as a sort of toll: a bribe to the Stygian boatman to ferry his cargo safely across the river.

In this economy, nobody’s willing to part with their hard-earned cash, even for their dead.  But down through the ages, people have inserted some interesting things into coffins.  Sir Walter Raleigh, for example, said fare-de-well with his favorite pipe and tobacco, Wild Bill Hickock took his Sharpe® rifle, and for whatever reason, Rudolph Valentino had a slave bracelet with him.  Elvis Presley was buried with a diamond ring and Andy Warhol’s casket held a bottle of Estee Lauder® perfume.  Rosary beads given to her by Mother Teresa accompanied Princess Diana to her eternal rest.  A California socialite, Sandra Illene West, took along her 1965 Ferrari.  I’m not sure if car itself served as the casket, but this lady obviously went out in style.

Humphrey Bogart had a small gold whistle from his wife, Lauren Bacall, whom he’d met on the set of the 1944 film, To Have and to Have Not.   The whistle was a reference to Lauren’s famous sultry line to Bogie, “If you need anything, just whistle.”

The Italian actor, Bela Lugosi, who never escaped the stereotype of Dracula, was buried with the cape of the character that had made him famous.  I wonder how many people Bela freaked out when he did that!  Frank Sinatra, in keeping with his Rat Pack persona, was buried with a flask of Jack Daniels®.   Although the friend I’d mentioned earlier, the lady who wishes to be cremated, never cared much for Sinatra or his music, she agrees with him about the booze.

One woman I know, proudly of Italian heritage, desires, upon her passing, nothing less than a full-blown Irish wake.  Long ago, she left her best friend a list of the musical selections she would like played at both the wake and the Mass she’s sure her survivors will insist upon.  The song played in church will be U2’s elegant and moving One Tree Hill: an epitaph that Bono wrote for a young friend of the band tragically killed in a motorcycle accident.  But the church ceremony, there will be a rousing party with punk rock, hard rock, the blues, “trad” Irish music, and some reggae and salsa tossed just to keep things interesting.

This woman wants her friends and surviving family members to toast her life, not mourn it — with wine, beer, and cocktails.  She wants them to trade stories about her, funny and poignant stories; she does not wish to see them weeping as she looks down upon them enjoying their lasagna!  Most of all, she wants them to realize the brevity of life as well as the fact that one must seek joy on this Earth if one is be truly alive and not, well, the walking dead.

I sincerely hope that family members who bury their loved ones underground or in mausoleums take comfort in the knowledge that there is a physical place they can visit to remember and honor their dead.  As for me, I feel that there is nothing to honor below the ground; the minute that we close our eyes in this life, we open them again in the presence of God (and hopefully not that guy with the horns and pitchfork).  The only things we leave behind “down here” are not things at all.  They are the lives that we have touched, the inventions or sacrifices that have benefitted others, and the charities and other good causes that we have supported; in other words, the love we have given freely from our hearts to those who share our bloodlines and to those who do not.  While our souls continue in the afterlife, these are the things that truly commemorate our spirits and serve as inspiration for others after we have drawn our last breaths. 

How would you like to make a few hundred dollars in a day or two?  You can do just that, if you hold a yard sale or garage sale the right way. Yup, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do everything, and this includes planning and conducting yard sales and garage sales.  Here are my tried-and-true tips for turning such an event into an efficient and profitable experience.

1.       The permit.  Get one!  If you don’t, you’re liable to incur a fine.  Many towns stipulate that you must apply to the municipality for a permit to hold a yard sale/garage sale.  You must also abide by your township’s regulations for holding the sale, including the number of days over which the sale will be conducted (two is usually the maximum) and the hours in which it may be held.

          If you are going to hang signs throughout your neighborhood directing people to the sale, your town may also have regulations concerning those.

2.       Sort though and neatly arrange the items that you will be selling.   First and foremost, be pragmatic.  Do you really need four blenders?  And how about those gifts you never used and never re-gifted?   If you’re sentimental about your offspring’s early childhood things, such as rattles and stuffed animals, keep a few as keepsakes and put the rest out for sale, provided they are “gently used”. 

Now, think of your front yard as a department store and arrange your wares in product categories. Sort clothing by age, sex, sizes, and seasons (i.e., children’s, men’s, women’s, Small, Medium, Large, and winter vs. summer clothing).  Go through the pockets to be sure that you are not giving away something that you’d never intended to part with.  And be sure that all of the clothes are clean before you display them for sale.

A rolling garment rack will help your customers select their purchases, but you’ll have to lift it to get into your law without tearing up the grass.  Better yet, place the rack on your driveway, where you won’t have this worry and so that you can free up space for the rest of the foot traffic on your lawn.  A makeshift clothesline could be utilized if your yard boasts at least two sturdy trees. Recycle the wire hangers that come with your dry cleaning, in case your customers decide that they want them.  There’s no need to invest in better hangars, unless you want to spend a few bucks on some at the dollar store.

3.       Sell whatever everyone in the family has agreed that they can live without.  In other words, if you try to vend the old but still serviceable bowling shirt your husband has come to love, the argument you’ll have later won’t be worth the small profit that you’ll make on that shirt. 

4.       Packaging. Reuse those plastic shopping bags that you get at the supermarket, so that customers can tote their goods home easily.

5.       Media.  Organize books, CD’s, DVD’s, and those old but still useable VHS tapes.  You can organize them by author or genre.  Dusty or dirty items won’t sell, so be sure that they are appealing to the eye.

Before you put out your books, rifle through them the way you did the pockets of your clothes; make sure that you’re not leaving a receipt with your personal information or a cherished photo inside a book.  Or, money!   Some of us sock bills away in books against a rainy day.

6.       Everyone loves a good mystery!  If you have a bunch of odds and ends-type of household items, such as mismatched dishes, place them in a sealed box and do the same for small toys or games.  Tag those boxes “Mystery” and give them special discounted prices to help move them.

7.       Pricing.  Once everything is organized, decide how you will price your wares.  You’ll want to charge more for the more valuable items.  But for small items that you’ll keep under a dollar, price them at 25-cent intervals, as it’s easier to give people a quarter or two in change than it is to dig for smaller coins.  Be sure that you have plenty of small bills on hand, also, to make change.

8.       Advertising.   You won’t make much money waiting for people to drive by and discover your goods, so advertise.  While you are comparing prices for ads in local newspapers and printed church bulletins, also investigate their circulation.  It may pay to spend a bit more to attract more buyers.  If your church has a community bulletin board, you can put some fliers there at no cost.

Don’t forget the Internet. Craigslist.com will enable you to post a free advertisement.

9.       Help!!!!! The wider your base of potential buyers (a la your advertisements), the more customers will flock to your home.  Therefore, conscript helpers well in advance to assist with the traffic, the transactions, and to discourage filchers.  To ensure that you have plenty of help, you should delegate “yard or garage duty” in segments.  For example, you can assign your daughter the hours between 8:00 and 12:00 AM, and your son, the hours between 12:01 and 4:00 PM.

10.     Timing.  Choose your sale date carefully.  Forget holidays such as the July 4th or Labor Day, as many people go out of town or spend time with their families.  Saturdays are better than Fridays, to accommodate those who work.  Starting the sale at 8:00am on a Saturday is a good idea.  Avid bargain hunters may have more than one sale scheduled for the day.  And, if the sale is held on a warm day, some people may not want to be out in the heat.

11.     Entice sales.  To increase your profits, stock up on individual cans or bottles of sodas that are on sale, or get some at a wholesale club.  Toss them into a cooler and sell cool drinks for 50 cents a pop.  If people are refreshed, they’re more apt to linger, look, and purchase.  And, you’ll make a profit on these sales.

Many men detest yard sales, as they do all shopping that does not relate specifically to them.  To entice men to the sale, try to include some tools, an old mower, or other things that manly things with which males can tinker and bond.

If you have a TV or a radio for sale, turn it on so that people will know that they are in good working order.

Don’t count on people driving by being able to read the address on your house. The day of the sale, create a large sign clearly displaying your address and place it in a visible spot, such as on a bicycle sitting on your lawn close to the street.

12.     Be neighborly!  And courteous.  Alert your neighbors to your sale and ask if it would be all right for people to park in their drives or in front of their homes.

13.     Safety first!  Before placing items out for sale, ensure that your yard is safe for visitors.  Clean up animal refuse, small branches that may have come down in a rainstorm, and other dangers, such as broken glass.  Make sure that grass is cut and holes in the earth filled in to avoid injuries related to falls.  Don’t keep your trashcans out that day and keep your animals inside the house.  Some people are not animal lovers, and it can be hard to predict how your pets will behave around so many strangers walking all over their territory.

14.     Don’t get ripped off.   Safeguard against theft.  Jewelry or other pricier items should be kept where you can plainly see them.  Make sure that your money is safe by keeping it on your person, in a fanny pack.  Never leave your purse or strongbox on your lawn, and please lock all of your doors and windows before the sale (and be sure that you or one of your helpers has the keys!).

Use precaution when someone is paying and places their money off to the side as you make change.  Rip off artists thrive on confusing sellers and thus making off with some cash or items.

15.     Leftovers … of the yard or garage sale, that is; not what’s in your fridge!  As the sale winds down, be open to bargaining in order to make as large a profit as possible.  Bargaining can also occur while the sale is at full height. Use your discretion.  But remember, you are holding this sale in order to make some money by getting rid of your unwanted items.

Donate unsold items to the Salvation Army, your local church, or charitable organizations such as the Purple Heart.  If you give them notice, some of these organizations will pick up the items at your door.

Most will give you a receipt for the estimated value of your donations.  Save the receipt; you can use it to validate a tax deduction for the I.R.S.

Well, get cracking!  We have lots of nice fall days ahead and people love bargains.  Use these tips to start making some money!  Christmas will be here before you know it and with it, a list of gift recipients.  Or maybe you just want some blow money or need to pay off a bill.  A well planned and executed yard or garage sale is the perfect way to achieve your goals!

Why did the old sit-com Happy Days carve a permanent place in the hearts of so many Americans?  Was it because the writing was hilarious or the acting brilliant?  Or was it something else?  My money’s on “something else.”  I think we loved stepping back in time to a simpler, gentler day – an era in which crew-cut boys took girls in poodle skirts to malt shops, ordered burgers and shakes, and picked up the tab.  Now, such scenes are the stuff of nostalgia; the rules of who pays for a date are not so clearly defined.

Chivalry may be dead, but chivalry had little to do with changing those rules.  The blame, if we can call it that, lies with the emergence of the feminist movement and a much healthier economy than the one in which we’re currently wallowing.  Under these circumstances, women entered the workforce in far greater numbers than their mothers and grandmothers. They generated disposable incomes.  Decades later, despite a sinking economy, women retain their independence.  This means, in part, that they are accustomed to sharing the expenses of dating.

The price of dinner for two in a fine dining establishment is costly, particularly if a bottle of wine accompanies the meal.  And even casual dining can put the pinch on you.  In Richie’s and Fonzie’s day, a great burger consisted of the usual suspects: a beef patty, a bun, lettuce, tomato, maybe a slice of onion and/or American cheese, and depending upon your preference, ketchup and/or mustard.  Now, gourmet burgers have invaded the land.  Replete with ingredients such as avocado, mushrooms, jalapenos, and wasabi, they carry higher price tags.

If you’re starting out in a relationship, the process of dating can break your bank.   You can avoid this with a little common sense and imagination.  You already knew something about the object of your affection before you asked him or her out; use that information.  If, for instance, she likes art, take her to an exhibit; the entrance fees to museums are still do-able on most budgets. County fairs are usually inexpensive as are zoos, and a walk in a park or along a beach are free.  Dates such as these allow you to spend quality time with the other person, and quality time means that you’ll get to know him or her better.

I fondly recall my parents speaking of their youthful dating experiences.  My mom’s idea of a good time was to go to the Dairy Queen for a burger and fries, followed by a small vanilla cone. While she was thrilled to be out anywhere with my dad, he often teased her about trying something else on the menu. He never understood why she always ordered a burger and fries.  To this day, he’s not sure if this truly was really her favorite dish, or if she was just being considerate of his budget.  Whatever it was, these simple dates provided the stage upon which my parents fell in love, married, and had my siblings and me!

I think that most guys are probably pretty happy to meet sensible gals.  Men have a tendency to overspend when attempting to impress a beautiful girl.  Maybe this is a holdover from prehistoric times, when cavemen had to literally bring home the bacon.  Or maybe men overspend on a date with the hope of “getting lucky.”   But not everybody “gets lucky,” and I don’t just mean in bed.  It can be disheartening to spend your hard earned money on a fancy date and not have a good time.  By the sharing the expenses on a less than thrilling time, both parties can walk away feeling a little better.

The whole idea of paying your own way illustrates a great deal of  maturity, including respect for the other person.  Sharing the costs symbolizes an interest in sharing other things.  But, like most things in life, the costs associated with dating are neither black nor white.   If one person is caught short of cash a time or two, the other one can pitch in, and vice versa if the shoe ever turns up on the other foot. Freeloaders are rarely appreciated by either gender.

As the old saying goes, “Sharing is caring.”

‘fess up.  Sometimes you’re dumbfounded concerning the simplest of tasks.  Heck, we all are, particularly when it comes to our cars.  But remember the adage, “Knowledge is power.”  Being informed about the workings of your vehicle puts the power in your hands instead of a mechanic’s.  It can reduce the cost of maintenance and even improve your safety.  “How?” you ask.  Well, friends, read on!

Tires

Be sure to keep a tire gauge in your glove compartment, and use it. Without the proper amount of air in your tires, you’re inviting trouble.  An over-inflated tire can produce an uncomfortable ride because the tires don’t contact the road properly. Over-inflation can also cause uneven wearing of the tire treads, a situation that could earn you a flat as you ride over a pothole.

However, an under-inflated tire can also provoke a flat because it makes the tire thinner.  And, it won’t give you the proper traction on the road.

Tires keep you rolling, so make sure that you check the tread on a regular basis for any uneven wear.  Uneven wear can mean that you need to rotate your tires.

And by all means, whether you learn this from a friend, a relative, or a teacher in “Auto Shop,” know how to change a flat safely on your own.  Always make sure that there is a spare tire, a lug wrench, and a can of WD-40 in your trunk — the latter, in case the lug nuts have gone rusty.  And please don’t forget to have a jack on hand; jacks can be unique to the make of your vehicle.

Oil Changes

To keep your car in tip-top shape, you need to schedule regular oil changes.  I knew someone who ruined the engine or a perfectly good SUV, just because he kept putting off changing his oil!  The distance traveled between oil changes — anywhere from 3,000 to 5,000 miles — depends on a lot of variants, including who you ask or what your owner’s manual advises.

Take into consideration the age of your car and the condition of the engine.  If your car is older and tends to burn oil, you’ll need to change the oil more frequently.  If you drive on dirt roads or unpaved areas, change the oil sooner than later, because it get dirtier faster and dirty equals less effective oil.  Don’t forget to replace the oil filter as well.  Oil is critical to a car’s operation as it keeps the engine parts lubricated.  The cost of changing your oil will be a lot less costly than replacing your engine — as the owner of that SUV found out!

Between changes, check the level of oil with a dipstick.  If you change the oil yourself, make sure that after each quart, you wait a minute until it settles. Only when the oil settles can you properly assess how much is really needed.  I’ve seen people add three to four quarts of oil to their car, which costs almost as much as an oil change done by a mechanic!

Another factor is learning what type of oil is best for your car.  Some folks drive their cars for years without a clue as to the type of oil to use.  The other day, while in the store, I overheard a woman shopper asking a male customer what kind of oil she should use.  He did not seem very certain, yet she took his word for it!  Different models of cars have different requirements and believe it or not, the weather also determines the type of oil.  A lighter weight oil should be used in the winter and a heavier weight in the summer, due to the heat. 

Brake Fluid & Transmission Fluid

Another very important liquid is brake fluid, because good brakes can mean the difference between safety and disaster.  Your brake fluid receptacle should be at least three-quarters full.  Do not add brake fluid when it is raining, unless you are in a garage or other shelter, because the rain might dilute it.

Next is transmission fluid.  If you have an automatic transmission, leave the engine running when you add the fluid, and take precautions so that you don’t get caught in the fan belt.  Make sure that you are not wearing loose clothing when bending over the engine.  For instance, long, flowing sleeves should be rolled up and ties and jewelry should be removed.  For a manual transmission, keep the engine off.

Coolant

Make sure your car always has coolant, so that the vehicle will not overheat and leave you stranded.  Before touching the radiator, ensure that it is cool enough to touch.  Do not remove the radiator cap unless it’s cool, because it’s pressurized and could give you a nasty burn.  To replace coolant, the general rule of thumb is 50 percent water and 50 percent coolant.  Read the instructions on the container so that you’ll know whether it’s premixed or needs mixing.

Windshield Wiper Fluid

Since it’s imperative to have a clear view of the road in any type of weather, keep   your windshield receptacle full of wiper fluid.  This is more important during the winter, as the roads can spew up salt that makes your windshield dirty.  Also, be sure that the wipers are in good working condition.

The Owner’s Manual

As self-explanatory as this may seem, I’m going to say it anyway.  Your owner’s manual will instruct you in locating the proper receptacles for the various automotive fluids.  The manual should also enlighten you concerning the correct tire pressure, the type of oil, and other important factors in maintaining your car.

Lights, Gasoline, Flares & Common Sense

Make sure that your lights are working along with the turn signals.  Before setting off on a long journey, fill up the gas tank.  When you get down to a quarter of a tank, start looking for a gas station so that you can fill ‘er up again.

It’s a good idea to keep a flare or an orange triangle in your car, just in case you get stranded on an uncertain patch of roadway. 

The Bottom Line

Our cars are lifelines of sorts.  They convey us to our jobs, our children’s schools and afterschool activities, grocery stores, doctors’ appointments, and numerous other vital resources and events.  While there are many functions we can’t perform as we lack the knowledge of auto technicians, the tasks indicated above are simple.  Most of us cannot afford to buy new cars on a frequent basis.  But by taking good care of the cars we now drive, they will provide us with more years of service.  Good luck and happy trails! 

Benjamin Franklin is quoted as having said, “Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.”  If you think Ben’s was a cynical view of human nature, you may wish to examine your own track record.  How many times have you broken a confidence, and to what degree? 

I’ll come clean and admit that, as a child, “Tattle Tale” could have been my nickname.  My position in the family may have contributed to my propensity for blabbing.  As one of six children, and a middle child, I sought attention.  I’d sneak around, listening to the secrets whispered by my older sisters.  And then I’d spill the proverbial beans to my parents.  Although those childhood secrets were pretty harmless, there are some confidences that are like unstable bombs.  Mishandled, they can explode in your face.

Such was the case with military security during World War II.  “Loose Lips Sink Ships” was a saying that emerged during that conflict, and for good reason; it played a critical role in national security.  If captured by the enemy, our troops had been trained to offer no information other than their names, ranks, and serial numbers.  Further information would have clued the enemy in as to the location of our armed forces and military strategies.  The most important code of conduct during the war was not to commit sensitive information to writing.  A woman I know had an uncle serving in the Marines.  His letters arrived home with pieces of them literally cut out, as with a pair of scissors.  This was the U.S. military’s way of censoring the soldier’s whereabouts.  If the mail had fallen into the wrong hands, the Marine and his fellows would have been unprotected.

As for me, I got better at keeping secrets as I matured.  But some secrets made me toss and turn at night, wondering whether or not I should divulge them to those I felt had the right to know.  For instance, a woman I once knew confided in me that she was having an extramarital affair.  Because she’d always seemed like a devoted mother and wife, I was shocked.  Her revelation wedged me firmly between a rock and a hard place, because I was also acquainted with her husband.

Although the woman felt her choice was justified, she never made me privy to her rationale.  Perhaps she felt unfulfilled or under-appreciated in her marriage.  Maybe she felt there should be more to her life than serving as cook/chauffeur/babysitter-maid.  She had lost quite a bit of weight, so maybe her lover took notice of that and gave her the gratification that her husband didn’t.  Or maybe it was a momentary lapse of reason.

I made the choice to remain silent primarily for the sake of the woman’s children, who were quite young at the time.  I didn’t want to be responsible for ripping the family apart because of an indiscretion.  Fortunately, my friend’s escapade did not last long.  To this day, she remains married to her husband and has raised her children.  I am sure that she avoided turmoil by never baring her soul to her husband.

Perhaps if I had told her husband what I knew, he may have tried to exact revenge upon his wife and/or or her lover.  He may have become violent.  We can none of us gauge another person’s aptitude for forgiveness until that person is put to the test.

While some folks thrive on revealing secrets, the rest of us find ourselves on the horns of a dilemma when faced with a secret.  Of course, there are always situations in which it is not wrong to betray someone’s trust.  Those circumstances include reporting child abuse.  In the late 1970′s, there was a famous case in New York City in which Lisa Steinberg, an innocent six-year-old girl, was beaten to death by her adoptive father, Joel Steinberg.  Joel had also been beating Lisa’s adoptive mother, Hedda Nussbaum, who never reported the child’s treatment to the authorities.  Time and again, the little girl had showed up for school with black and blues, yet none of her teachers ever questioned what was happening.  Had someone spoken up, the child would no doubt have been saved.

And then there are cases of “tough love,” in which parents turn their children in for robberies, selling drugs, harming others, or other illegal acts.  It must break the parents’ hearts to do so, but in the end, they tell the truth in order to do right by everyone.

Our own government has always kept secrets and probably always will.  For example, close advisors to FDR claimed — after the fact — that intelligence had alerted our President of Japan’s plans to bomb Pearl Harbor.  The President allowed the attack to happen in order to gain America’s support to enter the war, for he could not sell it when only European nations seemed to be impacted.  Were this scenario true, it had its pros and its cons.

There may be times when we are better off not knowing things, so as to avoid a public panic.  Then again, there are times when the truth, as revealed by our government, would enable us to make informed decisions.   Had we known what the BP execs and bribees in Washington were up to when they signed off on the debacle that caused the oil spill in the Gulf, ruined our environment, and robbed our people of their livelihoods, we would have had the opportunity to lynch the dirty bastards, avoid disaster, and send a message to other greedy rats lying in wait. 

When it comes to your own mysteries, you will want to be careful when it comes to those to whom you trust your deepest, darkest secrets.   Samuel Johnson said it best: “To keep your secret is wisdom, but to expect others to keep it is folly.”  John (8:32) advises us that the truth will set us free.  Just keep in mind that telling the truth has its consequences.  For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. 

As precious gifts, children are meant to be cherished.  Innocent human beings, they look to their elders for life’s basic necessities and, just as importantly, guidance, love, and protection.  These truths should be obvious.  It boggles my mind, then, when I witness mindless acts that place little ones in danger.

Driving down a busy commercial street the other day, I yielded to jaywalkers.  The ones I truly wanted to throttle darted across the street encumbered by baby strollers and dragging toddlers by the hand.  Were their errands vital enough to put the children’s lives in jeopardy?  Most drivers strive to be vigilant, but accidents do happen, particularly when thoughtless parents and guardians facilitate them.  It takes a few extra minutes to wait at the crosswalk while the traffic light changes, but those minutes can mean life or death.

There are times when those behind the wheel are at fault; drunken drivers fall into this category.  Three sheets to the wind, DWIs rarely seem to injure themselves.  As police reports nationwide attest, the drunks usually maim or kill those who are blameless.  Kids riding along with inebriated adults are at risk, and so are those in other cars.  I was once acquainted with a woman I thought to be a bit slow.  She was a very nice lady, but I sensed that there was something not quite right about her.  A few weeks after our first meeting, her niece informed me that the woman’s entire family had been riding in their car, obeying the rules of the road, when a drunk driver struck them.  The woman and her husband survived, but her father and two little boys — her only children — were killed.  What a terrible heartache to bear!

Alcohol is not the only addiction plaguing youngsters.  Drug users have been known to keep their stashes where curious young hands can get to them, resulting in irreparable damage and even death. 

And let’s not forget people who leave their children unattended in public places.  Where I work, I often see customers who dash from their cars and into the store, leaving their children behind to make a quick purchase.  Their frantic glances through the store window are not enough to ensure the children’s safety. It’s an inconvenience to remove the little ones from their car seats and secure them again. But it’s better to be inconvenienced than to lose a child to a kidnapper, child molester, or murderer.

A woman I know was once vacationing at the shore with her family.  She had fallen asleep under her umbrella, as had her family.  As the others slept on, she suddenly awakened with a strange, urgent feeling.  The moment that she sat up, a little boy about three years old passed her, carrying a child’s surfboard and heading straight for the ocean.  No adult was following him.

She took after the boy as he toddled on relentlessly, catching up with the child just as he put his board into the water.  Unable to swim, she prayed to find the right words that would bring the boy back onto the sand.  Thankfully, her prayers were answered.  She had planned to alert the police once the child was safe with her family.  But just a few steps before her beach blanket, an angry man appeared, barking at the child — as if it were his fault — “So there you are!”  Cautiously, the woman asked the little boy, “Do you know this man?” “Daddy,” he said, and walked off with the man.  Badly shaken, the lady wondered what may have befallen the little boy had she not been a good person.

Those of us who have fond memories of our childhoods may not be fully aware of the dangers that lie in wait for our children.  In days gone by, parents thought nothing of allowing their children to stay out late, particularly on summer nights, riding bikes and catching fireflies with their friends.  Neighbors once knew each other, communicating frequently and keeping a watchful eye on for each other’s children. Now we live at a frantic pace, in a world that has necessitated the passage of Megan’s Law and the institution of Amber Alerts.

If you are a parent or guardian, teach your children not to approach strangers, no matter how sweet their bribes may be (i.e., promises of candy or a lost puppy that needs to be found). And don’t make assumptions that routine situations are necessarily safe.

For instance, don’t allow a child visit a public restroom alone.  Predators armed with changes of clothing and scissors to cut hair can quickly alter a child’s appearance in order to spirit him or her away.  Young children cannot fend off adults intend upon snatching them and doing them harm.

Strangers are not the only threat.  Before giving your children permission to play at a friend’s house, get to know the friend’s parents.  Be sure that they are aware your child will be visiting or spending the night.  Most importantly, feel the parents out to get a sense of their character.  You don’t want your children in a home where drugs, alcohol, and/or guns are accessible. 

If someone else takes your child to the beach, remember the incident that I just related about the woman and the little boy.  Make sure that lifeguards are on duty, that the adults know how to swim, and that they don’t take chances when the tide comes in.  Water safety extends to the home.  Baths for young children should be supervised at all times.  Don’t leave a child in the tub alone, for it only takes a minute to drown in a few inches of water.

Also, be sensible in terms of your selection of toys, games, and general recreation.  As much as a child may desire a toy or wish to engage in a pastime, veto it if it is dangerous or inappropriate. Establishing and enforcing rules for your child’s protection is a key element in good parenting.  Scrapes and cuts are the byproducts of a normal childhood spent exploring the world; everyday accidents are often inevitable.  But, with caution and common sense, terrible tragedies can be avoided. 

Given the state of the world, I think that children of all ages would be prudent to revisit some of the core lessons that our parents taught us when we were younger.  If you were like me, you probably sloughed off much of this advice and only took it to heart when your parents’ fears were either realized or had inched too close to realization for comfort.

One of the most important things we learned was not to talk to strangers.  When I was a child, I had to hear about the kidnapping of the Lindbergh baby, that occurred before I was born, and how that infant came to a terrible end.  To ward off kidnappers, my parents drummed it into me not to speak with strangers, not to accept gifts from them, and to run like my pants were on fire if a stranger ever tried to nab me or drag me into his/her car.

These days, we need to tell our children not to listen to strangers who tell them that they’ve lost their puppy and need help finding him: a common ploy with child molesters and killers.   We must also tell our kids not to get into the vehicles of strangers who appear at school at 3 o’clock and lie about knowing our parents.  These kidnappers and child molesters often use the tactic of telling children that one of their parents has been hospitalized, and they (the strangers) are there to ferry the kids off to the hospital.

In general, we should alert our children that if an adult ever makes them feel uncomfortable, for any reason, they are to follow their gut feelings.  This includes adults who may touch them in an inappropriate manner.  If in danger, it’s best to educate the child to scream “Fire!” because people will always want to see where the fire is.  Unfortunately, if a child hollers, “Help!” it can be construed as a game or a ploy for attention.  “Call the police!” is another helpful phrase to scream out when in danger.  And if the adult tries to drag the child into the car or do something else harmful, the child should be told that it’s okay to kick and bite and scratch the adult, punch him in the eye, and/or whatever else is necessary in order to escape.  All of these lessons can also be applied to adults who may be preyed upon by twisted, malicious souls.

“Look both ways when before crossing the street” was another important conversation that I used to have with my parents.  Even at formal pedestrian crosswalks, we still have to pay attention to discern when it is safe to cross the street.  Cars jump sidewalks; motorists run red lights and play “chicken” with the yellow lights.  Some even drive backward or the wrong way down the street!  I have had people just about jump out in front of me when I’m driving, especially in the parking lots of shopping malls.  Parents can get distracted with thoughts of big sales, thus taking their eyes off their children for those critical few moments.  So, children should be taught pedestrian safety.

“Choose your friends wisely” is yet another caveat I received from my elders.  This was good advice.  Think about it.  How often have you thought a friend of yours could do no wrong, only to learn that they would throw you under the bus in a minute, if a need to do so arose on their part?  It takes discernment that comes with maturity to determine whether or not your friend is genuine and loyal.  For instance, I had been friends with one girl since the second grade, but in our sophomore year of high school, she abandoned me for another girl.  They became tight because they both wanted a more lively social life, while I was not quite ready to date boys at that particular juncture in my life.

My friend’s betrayal hurt, but her behavior did not put me in jeopardy. That came later, with another friend who left me at a club without a ride home.  We had gone to this club, in her car.  As there was not much excitement in our little town, once a month, we’d drive about 40 miles to this little club.  We weren’t big on drinking; we just enjoyed the dancing and music and maybe the chance of meeting a guy.  Well, one night, my friend hooked up with a young man and they decided to go elsewhere for a while.  She told me that she would return to give me a ride home.

Close to closing time, I began to get nervous.  There was no sign of my friend, and because it had been cold, I had left my coat in the trunk of her car.  Stranded forty miles from home, I had no choice but to call a taxi. Thank goodness he let me run into my house to get some money to pay him when we arrived, because I did not have enough cash on me.  Boy, was my dad mad!

Shortly after I arrived home, my friend came to the house, crying and apologizing profusely.  We are still friends today, but I was leery for a while there whenever we got together.  After that incident, I always made sure that I had a couple of extra dollars in my pocket, in case of an emergency.  So that’s another lesson for children: carry some extra cash and call someone responsible, if you need help.  This is sound advice for adults as well.

Kids will be kids, and kids like to experiment with things they shouldn’t, including alcohol, drugs, and sex.  Filching a cold beer from the fridge at home and enjoying it within your own four walls is a lot different than acquiring fake ID, buying a bottle of booze, and downing it.  The only thing worse is getting behind the wheel when you do, or entering a car in which the driver is three sheets to the wind.  A motor vehicle weighs a ton or more and that’s a lot to control when you’re sober; the mind and body have to be in sync, able to respond quickly to unforeseen situations.  Don’t drive with a person who is a speed demon or likes to play “chicken” with other drivers!

Speaking of drinking, young people now need to be on the lookout for date rape drugs slipped into their drinks at private parties and local bars.  Never go club hopping alone; take along a trusted friend who will watch your back and you do the same for her.

Smoking is another very critical choice for a young person to make, and it should be made on an individual basis, not because of peer pressure.  Smoking is not cool.  You’ll reek of smoke and that is simply not attractive.  If you kiss someone, you’ll taste of smoke — a real turnoff to non-smokers.  It’s an addiction and will cost you a lot of money, your health, and potentially, your life.

Other, illegal addictions involve recreational drugs.  Please educate your children as to the associated dangers, including degenerated brain cells and even death.  Kids who lie about their addictions are only lying to themselves; eventually, others will catch them in their lies.

Sex is probably the most difficult topic for a parent to broach with their children.  At the age of nine, a friend of mine borrowed two books from the library: one for girls and one for boys.  She wanted to be sure that the boys weren’t learning anything that she wasn’t!  Both books were straightforward volumes on sex, written for young people.  When her mother, who simply could not answer her questions about sex, saw the books, she let out a dramatic sigh of relief and immediately instructed my friend’s younger sister to read the exact same books!

As much as parents may drum the idea of abstinence into a child’s head, there will always be curious kids who want to see what all the fuss is about.  A parent’s best bet is to be realistic and proactive.  Education is key, but it won’t mean much if your kid is in a situation where he or she would be a lot more comfortable — and safer — with a condom.  The best protection against an unwanted pregnancy is a prescription for birth control, but condoms should also be used to prevent STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Diseases).  While parents may not be happy knowing that their children are having sex, everyone will breathe easier if they take Ben Franklin’s advice: “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Girls should be told not to believe a boy who says he wants to engage in sex so that he’ll know she really does love him.  Love does not apply pressure.  Boys should be taught that they will be held accountable for their actions, including getting young girls pregnant.  They can’t be allowed to think that they’ll “get off easy” by not marrying the girl; they or their parents might be liable for child support.  And if the girl was underage, the boys — particularly 18 years of age and older — can find themselves up on charges of statutory rape.

In addition to a host of external dangers, safety within the home is also a great concern.  While many children are “latchkey kids” who arrive home when their parents are working, they are still children.  They should be taught to lock all doors and windows and not answer the doorbell under any circumstances, unless they ascertain that the person ringing it is someone familiar and trusted.  The “familiar and trusted” category does not include utility workers or those peddling magazines or other products or services door to door.  How well we remember the horrible case of several years ago, where a teenager, known to the child, was allowed into the house on the pretext of selling something for a school competition.  The teenager murdered the poor, unsuspecting child! 

If children must answer the door, they should never allow a stranger access to the house.  They can speak to the person behind a locked door or call their parents.  The best tactic is for the child not to alert the stranger that no adult is present.  The kid can say that their mom or dad is in the shower and the stranger will have to come back later (meaning, when the parents are actually home).

Parents who trust their children to be home alone for short periods of time can check on them via text messages, phone calls, or emails.  Or, kids who are told to not answer the telephone can have a signal; i.e., letting the phone ring three times to flag that it’s a parent calling and that they will call right back.  Another alternative is for parents to leave a message on their answering machines, telling callers that they will return the calls shortly.  This is a good way of not advertising that a child is home alone.

Safety is for every person, not just children.  As adults, we must remember to secure all entrances and exits to our domiciles, to keep our keys and cell phones handy if we are working in the garden, and to ensure that all the doors and windows are locked even if we are in our own backyards grilling.  Long Island, New York has been plagued by home burglaries over the past several years and the robbers are getting increasingly bolder and more inventive.

I know a woman who stepped out of her shower wearing only a bathrobe, who watched as two men broke into her home through the garage; it all happened in the blink of an eye.  She grabbed her cell phone, ran into her baby’s room, locked the door, and called 911.  The cops came immediately and caught the bastards ransacking the house, but she and her baby were lucky.  These weasels broke in during broad daylight, so it pays to be extra vigilant.  If, for instance, your home has a large sliding glass door, install a bar inside the door and engage it at night for extra security.

Don’t take chances when it comes to safety.  While we find it tiresome to hear lectures, we have to understand they are often for our own good.   It truly is better to be safe than sorry.   By following a few simple and logical rules, “we’ll all sleep safe tonight,” as the song Kryptonite goes.