In the Year 2054

Posted on 30 June 2011



Among all of the music world’s one-hit wonders, Zager & Evans, the rock-pop duo formed by Denny Zager and Rick Evans in the early 60’s, is the first to pop into my mind.  Their hit recording, In the Year 2525, topped the Billboard charts in the U.S. for six weeks in 1969, a period during which popular culture was forever changed by two seminal events, the first manned moon landing by Americans Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin and the Woodstock Festival.


The song speculated about the nature of the future and mankind’s part in it traversing the period from the years 2525 to 9595.  Although not particularly original, the ideas expressed by the song’s lyrics – along with an email I received, stimulated my own thoughts about the future; albeit, a future not so distant as that portrayed in the song.


I have always been fascinated by the thought of time travel as a means of discovering how mankind’s past has shaped its present and future.  And so, I have traveled into the future – at least in my own mind, and now share with you some headlines from the year 2054.


In the news…


Statue of Liberty Displays New Signage: “Screw You, Blood Sucking Foreigners!”  Holds up Middle Finger in Lieu of Torch


Millions Die from Ozone Created by Electric Cars in the Recently Annexed Mexican State of California


Spotted Owl Plagues Northwestern U.S. Crops and Livestock


U.S. Postal Service Raises First-Class Stamp to $17.76, Reduces Delivery Schedule to Wednesdays


In world and interplanetary affairs…


France Pleads for Global Assistance after Takeover by Jamaica


Americans Jailed for Jumping U.S.-Mexican Border … Into Mexico!


Fidel Castro Finally Dies at Age 128 – Cuban Cigars Can Now Be Imported Legally, But President Chelsea Clinton Bans All Smoking


Sheiks Pay $500 per Gallon at Gas Pumps after Israel Levels Middle East.  Camel Market Soars.


Pollution on Mars Reaches Zenith in Wake of Mass-Human Migration


In science…


Scientists Cross Pigeons with Rats; New Yorkers Assaulted in Streets and on Roof Tops


Mutated Cats and Dogs Escape from Pharma-Testing Facility; Conduct Experiments on Humans


Baby Conceived Naturally! Scientists Stumped!!


Fountain of Youth Discovered in Peoria.  Nobody Jumps In!


In religion…


Roman Catholic Priest Renounces Vows, Leaves Church to Marry Choir Boy


Followers of the Late Harold Camping Post Billboards Guaranteeing the Lord’s Return on May 21, 2051


Jesus Finally Returns to Earth.  Says, “What a Mess!” and Ascends to Heaven


In politics…


George Z. Bush Announces Formation of Exploratory Committee for 2056 Presidential Run


Couple Petitions Supreme Court to Reinstate Heterosexual Marriage


U.S. Congress Votes to Increase Debt Ceiling to $20.4 Quadrillion


In entertainment…


Dick Clark’s Mummified Corpse to Host This Year’s New Years Rockin’ Eve; Larry King to Co-Host


Suri Cruise, Daughter of Tom and Katie, Establishes Roman Catholic Convent


Chaz Bono Enters Monastery After Reversing Sex Change Operation in His … Her … Golden Years


Daughter of the Late Lady Gaga, Lady GooGoo, Shocks Music World by Performing Fully Clothed!!! 






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3 Responses to “In the Year 2054”

  1. Regina P. says:

    Hey, this article was a hoot! What’s more, it’s scary; all of these could come to pass!

  2. Francine Aveleyon says:

    OMG, this is so, so funny! I howled at the news of “Jesus’ return”!!! Keep up the great work!!!

  3. Chris D. Malloy says:

    What’s truly funny is that this could all happen. I like the one about the Arabs paying $500 a gallon at the pump!


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