Do You Know Where Your Children Are? And What They are Doing? And to Whom?

Posted on 01 October 2010


When it becomes incumbent upon a society to instill what should be innate critical thinking skills in its students, that society is headed down the log flume to hell.  But when those children grow up bereft of critical thinking skills, that society has landed smack dab in the middle of Satan’s barbecue.


One particular case-in-point now burning up the media, if not Hades, concerns the suicide of 18-year-old Tyler Clementi.   Given the empirical evidence in this case, the boy’s suicide is widely assumed to be a direct result of the actions of his Rutgers University roommate, Dharun Ravi and that of Ravi’s cohort, fellow Rutgers U. freshman Molly Wei.  Ravi, who admitted knowing that Clementi was gay, committed a premeditated act by planning to videotape him in a private moment with another young man, and then to broadcast that private moment, as it occurred live, over the Internet.  Aided by Wei, Ravi executed his plan.  When young Clementi learned of it, he leapt to his death off the George Washington Bridge.


Wei, whose computer Ravi appropriated to perform his despicable deed, claims she was unaware of Ravi’s mission.  The veracity of her claims is yet to be determined, as is the exact punishment, from both legal and academic standpoints, for Ravi and Wei.  The legal, moral, and social issues surrounding this case must be sorted out, and I don’t envy those tasked with the sorting.  However, I’ll give them and the rest us something else to consider beyond what appears to be the rank callousness and viciousness of Ravi and Wei.


I suggest that this suicide may have been the result of cultural differences.


Dharun Ravi is obviously of East Indian descent; Wei’s background is obviously Chinese.


Forget, for a moment, the fact that Ravi and Wei graduated from New Jersey high schools.  I’m not a private investigator, so I don’t know when (at what grade level) either one of them entered the U.S. schools; I don’t know if either one was born on U.S. soil.  In fact, those things may be moot.  But as a native New Yorker raised in our nation’s largest melting-pot city, and as a twenty-year resident of the culturally diverse State of New Jersey, I know from numerous firsthand observations and interactions that there are major differences between the American way of life and that of India and China.  And, I know that even though a child may be born in the United States, he or she is still a product of his or her environment, including his or her home life.


From my personal experience, I know that Chinese people do not view personal space as Americans do.  For the Chinese, such a concept is foreign, and for good reason.  In the most densely populated nation on Earth, if one were to demand personal space, one would lose one’s mind — for it is to be found nowhere but in the most remote, desolate regions of China.  Had Dharun Ravi asked me to use my computer, I’d have demanded to know why.  For one thing, my personal data would have been on that computer.  For another, any site that Ravi visited would have left a technological trail: an IP address that could be tracked back to my computer.  These are things well known by most college students.


If Wei was honestly ignorant of Ravi’s motives, why didn’t she question him as to why he needed her computer?   And if she was in on the plot, why did she allow him to lay claim to her computer for the purpose of destroying another student’s privacy, and ultimately, his life?  Was it because privacy is a concept foreign to her, a young woman raised with the mindset of the Chinese people?


And what about Ravi?


Roughly the size of Texas, the nation of India is greatly overpopulated.  The Indians seem to have adapted to this reality by embracing the notion of multiple generations living under one roof.  I postulate that this is done not only out of respect for the older generations, but also as a means of cohabitating peacefully under such crowded conditions.  From my many years of observation, it seems that when an Indian family has even the smallest errand to run, they arrive at their destination en masse.  Great-grandparents, grandparents, children, and grandchildren all make familial outings out of events as mundane as doctors’ appointments and runs to the supermarket.  Everyone is involved and everyone has an opinion.  Everyone knows each other’s business.  And this is a normal thing. 


Look a little deeper at both the Indian and Chinese cultures and you’ll see that homosexuality, for the most part, is not normal.  It is not accepted.  While Americans may debate the sanctity of gay marriage, on the whole, we have come to terms with the fact that open homosexuality is here to stay.  Most of us tolerate it, and plenty of us respect it as a personal choice (for the purpose of this article, I’m calling it a choice, so hold your fire: this is not a treatise on homosexuality).  India and China have older, more traditional cultures in which male-female marriages are still arranged and divorce is virtually nonexistent.  India’s divorce rate, for instance, is a mere 2% of its marriages!


I theorize, therefore, that as products of their culture, Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei did not respect the concept of personal space/privacy.  Neither did they respect the fact that Clementi was gay.


Had Clementi been straight, would Ravi have filmed and exposed him for all the world to see?  Would he have announced his film hours in advance on the Internet, as Hollywood producers promote their films weeks before their release?  We’ll never know for certain, but I’d bet dollars to donuts that he wouldn’t have.  Straight sex on the Internet is old hat, as is straight sex on TV, film, and in books and magazines in American culture.


And now, we come back around to those critical thinking skills taught to children in U.S. classrooms, and the fact that in Western civilization, the age of reason — the age at which a child possesses the ability to tell right from wrong — is seven years old.  I don’t know when children overseas are thought to have reached the age of reason, but I do know that Ravi was 18 years old and had enough intelligence to pass his college entrance exams.


I also know that if we are going to continue to allow foreigners into this country, to live here and enjoy its many benefits, those foreigners should be educated as to our mores, as well as the consequences of disrespecting them.


I have a few suggestions as to how that should be done, prior to the foreigners’ entry into our country, but those are for another article.  If I’ve put some noses out of joint with this one, including those of the two cultures I’ve named here, and those of the ACLU, whose work I respected long ago, my own work is done.   Noses need to be put out of joint.  People must learn how to respect each other if they wish to live here.  Moreover, they must respect our Constitution, for it guarantees each American — regardless of age, gender, or sexual orientation — our lives, our liberties, and our pursuits of happiness.


Until we reach this point, it is my fervent hope that Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei are prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.  U.S. law, that is. 





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4 Responses to “Do You Know Where Your Children Are? And What They are Doing? And to Whom?”

  1. Mia A. says:

    I don’t know if this is a case of cultures clashing, outright malice, or just plain stupidity, but I do know that it’s a crime. The boy who killed himself asked for privacy and was honest about why he’d wanted it. That other boy agreed to give it to him, with absolutely no intention of honoring his agreement and with every intention of humiliating his roommate on line. I hope he and that girl get what is coming to them.

  2. Jimmy Gunderson says:

    Some one has suggested that Rutgers create a separate dormitory for its gay and lesbian students. Sounds like a plan at first glance but guess what? That “solution” isolates those students and thus makes them easier targets, in my opinion, for the bigots/haters. There has to be a better way.

  3. Gay Indian says:

    I’m sorry, but the article is a joke and sounds like it was written by a pseudo-intellectual. If anything, what they did is very American/western. College pranks involving a webcam and twitter? Sorry, doesn’t like “Asian culture.” Asians (yes Indians are Asian… shocking!) are traditionally passive and respect privacy; when it comes to gays “don’t ask, don’t tell” is the popular theme in Asia. Pople don’t talk about homosexuality and don’t comment on gays in Asia. You won’t see many homosexuals couples in the open because most Asians (especially Indians and Chinese) listen to their parents and get married to people their parents approve of. Also, you claim Americans have come to terms with homosexuality and have accepted that it’s here to stay? Lol first, not too sure about that. Second, India has done that ages ago; homosexuality was accepted in India before foreigners arrived. Lastly “East Indian”? How do you know Ravi is from the eastern part of India? If that was your attempt to differentiate from Caribbean and Native American people, neither groups are Indian.

  4. Supporter of Gay Indian says:

    Gay Indian –

    You nailed it! Your comments are right on the money. This article is a joke, and an affront to the framers of our Constitution. The author clearly is using stereotypes to bolster an argument that stands on shaky ground. I am ashamed that ‘foreigners’ may read this article and assume that all Americans share this same point of view.


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