What are holes?  Webster defines a hole as “an opening in something” such as in a doughnut, the ground, clouds, et al.  But this definition does not fully clarify the concept of holes, for it suggests nothingness, a rip in the atmosphere, if you will.  Perceived another way, holes are actually niches in which to place creatures or objects, such as deceased individuals, telephone posts, rabbits, foxes, and golf balls.

The word “hole” is also used in ideological and metaphorical terms; i.e., “a hole in one” and “shoving it down the rat hole.”  Let us not forget that the word is also an essential part of a specific, colorful phrase used to describe those who knowingly and willingly act in a manner that is, shall we say, far from acceptable.  Thus do we call such individuals “A-holes.”

Examples of the aforementioned type of “hole” would be the woman who decided to give birth to octuplets when she knew full well she could not afford to do so, people who want to dive into the Grand Canyon tethered only to a bungee cord, the parents of the kid who was allegedly spirited off by a hot air balloon, the mother of a three-year-old child whose goal is to weigh 1,000 pounds, and the rat bastard who recently tried to blow up Times Square with explosives tucked into an abandoned SUV.

We consider these folks A-holes because their actions negatively impact not only themselves and their dependents but other, unrelated members of society who must take up the slack for their inanities.  This includes paying for their mistakes, literally (remember that a national healthcare plan was recently launched by the Obama Administration).

If the A-holes do something monumentally stupid, we’d pay even more.  Any stunt that requires us to call upon the services of the police, fire fighters, the Coast Guard, or the National Guard for anything other than true emergencies is a drain upon our civic resources.  No wonder our protective forces demand steady pay hikes!  Easing an A-hole down off his or her own petard is often above and beyond the call to duty!

Stupid, egocentric, inconsiderate, and arrogant people — a.k.a., A-holes — should operate solely by their own devices.   When they fail, when they harm themselves, they should not be should bailed out at the taxpayers’ expense.  This, I know, is an idealistic notion of mine, for “it’s a new day, a new dawn” when A-holes rule the world — or at least, ride roughshod over the rest of us!  Maybe if our government would deign to issue a specific classification for these fools, and force them to display that classification prominently (think: the woman who wore The Scarlet Letter), we would have fair warning before they commit their stupendous acts of stupidity.

So, how shall we classify these fools?  Ah, I have it!  Outer space has its black holes and its worm holes.  Maybe we should consider the A-holes among us as the holes of our inner space.