The Elephant in the Middle of the Room

Posted on 02 March 2010


An “elephant in the middle of a room” is an English idiom for a subject on the minds of those at a gathering which remains unspoken, usually out of consideration or for the convenience of one or more of those present.  The phrase implies that the subject is one that should be addressed, but is purposefully excluded from conversation because of the sensitivity of the topic.


Sometimes, the decision to exclude a sensitive topic is mandated by the host or one of the attendees of the gathering.  In these instances, the rationale is usually that the nature of the gathering dictates that topics such as those represented by the “elephant” be left for another occasion, an occasion that frequently never arrives.


Sometimes, an entire group communally agrees for the benefit of all present to exclude the “elephant.”  Most often, although there is no formal mention of it, each individual present independently determines to avoid the “offensive” subject matter that the “elephant” represents, as if there is some “unwritten rule” or an “aura” or “something in the air” that compels unanimity of decision-making on this one subject alone.


At some gatherings, there is more than one “elephant,” sometimes an entire herd.  One wonders with so many “elephants” ambling about that more people are not trampled to their figurative deaths.


Frequently, the “elephants” at our gatherings and in our lives serve no real purpose.  Unspoken though they may be, the subjects they represent occupy space in our consciousness and may even haunt our dreams.  Their release, however, can be both liberating and beneficial.


At the next opportunity presented you, do your part for the world and free an “elephant.”  Your candor, although undoubtedly startling to those present, may release forces for positive change.  At the very least, you’ll create more space in the room.





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10 Responses to “The Elephant in the Middle of the Room”

  1. Karen Matteo says:

    There are those who cannot face the elephant, period. To acknowledge the elephant would cause a stampede of emotions that some are simply not equipped, either by genetics or environment, to handle. These people will downplay everything, sticking their heads in the sand as if the elephant will go away of its own accord. Real issues usually do not. Of course, this is an example of a clinically dysfunctional group. With an adult (relatively sane) group of people, taking the pachyderm off the leash can indeed be very cathartic.

  2. Marquita Bischke says:

    Great post, I bet a lot of work and research went into this article.

  3. Luigi Fulk says:

    I found your site via yahoo thanks for the post. I will bookmark it for future reference. Thanks

  4. Bob Freelance says:

    I totally agree. That is precisely how I see it. Great!

  5. Rahim says:

    Fascinating!

  6. Rab says:

    Cool.

  7. tml says:

    I would like to say “wow” what a inspiring post. This is really great. Keep doing what you’re doing!!

  8. blowhard says:

    I am an elephant, and I am deeply offended…


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