Lame Pickup Lines

Posted on 24 August 2009


Lame Pickup Lines

Have you ever wondered why male birds are always more brightly colored than the females?   The answer is both simple and ingenious.  Nature has equipped the males with dazzling plumage with which to attract their ladybirds and thereby ensure the continuance of the species.

 

Nature has not been so kind to homo sapiens.  Lacking glorious feathers, human males on the prowl often operate only with their tongues.  Forgetting to engage their brains in the process, many have been known to drop the most inane lines upon women.   When I spoke with several men to ask them about the lamest lines they have ever used, some confessed that they had been a few sheets to the wind at the time, while others confided that that they were just trying to initiate a conversation (yeah, right).  The more honest mashers said that they just wanted to see if the lines worked!  Of course, I was then “treated” to some of the worst come-ons I have ever heard.    As the saying goes, misery loves company, so I am now sharing them with you:

 

1.        Yo, sweetheart, I’m like American Express. You don’t want to leave home without me.
2.        Do you have a quarter? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
3.        I was blinded by your beauty, so I’m going to need your name and number for insurance reasons. 
4.        You know what would look great around you?  My arms.
5.        Was that an earthquake or did you just rock my world?
6.        If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put “U” and “I” together.
7.        I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true.
8.        Baby, I’m no Fred Flintstone but I can make your Bedrock!
9.        Can I have your autograph?  Weren’t you in the movie Pretty Woman?
10.      Are you from Tennessee?  Because you are the only ten I see!
11.       Do you know karate?  ‘Cause your body is really kickin’.
12.      Want to come see my hard drive?
13.      Are you a parking ticket?  You’ve got “fine” written all over you.
14.      My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.
15.      Is your name Pepsi?  Because I gotta have it.
16.      Hi.  The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
17.      Pardon me, miss, I seem to have lost my phone number.  Could I borrow yours?
18.      If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
19.      Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!
20.      I’m not drunk; I’m just intoxicated by you.
21.       If looks could kill, you would be a weapon of mass destruction.
22.      Do you believe in the hereafter?  You do? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.
23.      I hope there’s a fireman around, ’cause you’re smokin’!
24.      If you were a new burger at McDonalds, you would be McGorgeous!
25.      Lets make like a fabric softener and snuggle.

 

So, for you fearless and clueless men seeking to act like Venus flytraps in the presence of women, you are now equipped to do so, courtesy of the above “nuggets of wisdom.” 





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- who has written 82 posts on Write On New Jersey.


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36 Responses to “Lame Pickup Lines”

  1. Diana says:

    I like this article. These are some pretty bad lines! I’ve heard some that are even worse than this! Too bad men aren’t born with bright colored feathers!! haha! Guys shouldn’t try so hard, girls always like the ones who don’t seem too interested but still give enough attention!

  2. Kat F. says:

    I know that people of Islamic faith face Mecca five times daily and pray. I am not Muslim and I do not get down on my hands and knees to pray, but I do thank God often (honestly) that I was not born a man.

  3. Susan says:

    It’s well known that God has a sense of humor & she was in rare form when she created men.

  4. Marie says:

    Oh yeah, that’s the way to win me over. Compare me to a slab of meat. How flattering.

  5. Skye says:

    If someone walked up to me for the first time and said #16, we’d be best friends from that point forward. XD

  6. Kermit Derren says:

    Fine blog. I got a lot of good data.

  7. Mohammad Wagle says:

    hi, great work.

  8. Elvis Burdge says:

    This is an interesting perspective on this this particular topic. Please update this blog regularly! Also, do you allow your readers to submit to you topics they would like to personally know more about? Actually I have a question on this subject because I am working on a book about dating in the modern world and how things have changed since a generation ago. I’d like to get your comments…

  9. Miquel Movius says:

    Hi how are you i really liked this.

  10. Asa Musty says:

    I discovered this blog because I have been researching ways to get more confident with dating. Not too long ago I cheating and I’m a bit nervous about returning to the whole “singles scene”. Unfortunately my “skills” with talking to girls are rusty, to say the least!

  11. Earnest Clowser says:

    Anyway, you have a fascinating take on this this particular topic. Please update your blog regularly! By the way, do you allow your readers to send in questions they want to personally ask you about? Actually I have a question on this issue because I am suffering through a frustrating situation with a girl I like and I’m just not sure how to proceed. I’d really like to ask for your comments…or perhaps someone can suggest a book that I ought to read?

  12. Hubert Osdoba says:

    Hey everyone, greetings from GermanyI discovered this blog because lately I’ve been exploring ways to get more successful with dating. A while back my girlfriend cheated on me, and I’ve had a hard time since. I’m afraid to say my “skills” with flirting are rusty, to put it mildly! Currently, I have a girl I’m interested in and just not sure how to take things to the next level with her. I suppose you could say I’m stuck in the “friend zone.” Any thoughts?

  13. Andrew A. Sailer says:

    I am loving yout dating adventures.

  14. Jarrod Petell says:

    Hey everyone, greetings from Australia. Does anyone have any advice about staying out of the “Friend Zone” with girls? I’m really tired of girls telling me they “just want to be friends.”

  15. Alto says:

    This blog helped me explain this subject to my son. Thanks 🙂

  16. Janna says:

    ohh�nice post but really?/? 😛

  17. Sieligowski says:

    Greetings from Paris. This is a cool blog.

  18. WMO says:

    Read this folks, twice!

  19. Chikara says:

    Interesting. I never really thought about it like that. Keep putting up good stuff. Thanks.

  20. Phoenix says:

    Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write in my site something like that. Can I take part of your post to my blog?

  21. Broody says:

    Cool stuff, thanks…right now I have a question on this subject since I am working on a book dating and how to get a girlfriend in today’s world. I’d love to get your thoughts on this recent trend of guys learning “pickup”, and I’m curious whether this stuff is actually effective? Can any recommend “pickup expert” out there who can actually teach guys to pick up women?

  22. Sherly Zurkus says:

    This blog is great. How did you come up witht he idea?

  23. Von Bakewell says:

    What I can’t understand is why women always say they want to find a nice guy but then they always seem to go for jerks. It seems like a guy has to be a jerk or a “bad boy” to pick up girls nowadays?

  24. Dylan Benedict says:

    Quick question…I’m an aspiring PUA in Switzerland and one of my main obstacles when I attempt to pick up women is escalation. How do you know when it’s the right moment to make body contact with a girl, and what is an effective but subtle way to do this?

  25. fc says:

    Been reading your excellent blog for quite a few weeks now, and i am enjoying many of your excellent topics.

  26. farmville secrets says:

    Very interesting blog posts; ill certainly being coming back to read some more of your great text.

  27. LED says:

    Hi there I like your post

  28. Nicolas Vittorio says:

    Cool writing. Have you ever considered why some people are more attractive than others?…What is beauty?…what if you could be more attractive…what if you could be more seductive…better lover

  29. hot5478 says:

    Thank you for your help!

  30. oc says:

    Really enjoyed reading this today.

  31. Pick Up Girl says:

    Reading this article reminded me of my friend Lance who says he is studying to become a PUA, or “pickup artist.” LOL. He spends hours every day on internet forums reading and writing about this stuff. stupid Guys should just be themselves and treat women with respect. Just be yourself and treat women with respect and we might give you a chance. And guys should also stop being so cheap. When I go to the club to get my drink, I do NOT expect to pay for my own drinks and you guys are supposed to offer. I should start my own website and show guys how to REALLY get a girlfriend…and it starts with buying her gifts and following orders! lol…

  32. Vaughn says:

    Me and my daughter enjoyed reading your blog post. Keep up the good work.

  33. Dinah Watkins says:

    You are a very creative blogger, and I absolutely enjoy reading your posts.

  34. Tashia Mattina says:

    Outstanding post..

  35. jonesy says:

    excellent writing, interesting and also right to the point


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